Psyche & Soul 57: SPIRITUALITY FOR THE POST-MIDLIFE YEARS

 Psyche & Soul 57

SPIRITUALITY FOR THE POST-MIDLIFE YEARS

JOSE PARAPPULLY SDB, PhD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com 

Podcast link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-57-Psyche--Soul--121-e1570kc 

Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre for Psychospiritual Wellbeing at Jeolikote, Uttarakhand (sumedhacentre@gmail.com) with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

In this edition I present some salient features of a spirituality for the post-midlife years.

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Let me begin with a true story. Thomas grew up in a devout catholic family. He was quite fond of his religion. He liked to go to Mass and serve as an altar boy. One of his brothers became a priest and a sister a religious nun.

However, after his college studies he became a staunch Marxist, distanced himself from his religious roots and began to disparage all forms of religious practices as foolish superstition. He even participated in anti-church rallies, denouncing the clergy. Years passed that way.

Now in his sixties he has gone through a re-conversion. He is again a devout catholic, joining in family prayers, a daily church goer and an active participant in parish activities. He loves especially the Benediction, with the ritualistic ambience of incense and candles. His erstwhile Marxist friends are flabbergasted and even make fun of him. But he does not care.

RE-EXPERIENCING THE SACRED

Re-conversion experience, like that of Thomas, is quite common in the post midlife years.

Often during the journey through adolescence and young adulthood the sense of the sacred recedes and sometimes disappears from conscious awareness and expression. However, as life slows down and one moves toward the sunset years, the sense of the sacred remerges.

Post-midlifers begin to ask some ultimate questions: What is the meaning of life? What happens after death?... A longing for the earlier connectedness with the Divine surfaces along with desire to enhance and deepen it.

The sense of the sacred is manifest in the sense of gratitude for the ways their life has evolved through ups and downs, the many ways their life has been blessed, in the sense of awe and wonder they experience in the nostalgic reminiscence of a long life and in the new openness to and enjoyment of sacred rituals and ceremonies.

Further, post-midlifers become more patient and forgiving, more accepting of vulnerabilities, theirs and those of others, more acknowledging of mistakes and failures.

They begin to see life’s hurdles as spiritual lessons, opportunities for growth and understanding. They discover in the mystical/spiritual realm a new kind of help and solutions for life’s problems and challenges.

 

SOME CHARACTERISTICS

Our spirituality is the way we live the existential realities of everyday life, with an attention to and reverence for the transcendental—that which is beyond us and the phenomenal world. It is not just one aspect of our life. It involves and embraces the whole of our life in the context of everyday living.

Our way of life and consequently our spirituality is conditioned by our life situation and environment in which we live. The post midlife years call for a spirituality keeping with the personal realities of those years: retirement, diminishing physical and mental capacities, emotional awareness of mortality. Below are some characteristics of a spirituality relevant for the post midlife years.

1.      Spirituality of Diminishment

As we grow older many things are taken away from us -- energy, vision, hearing, mobility, memory, mental sharpness. As we diminish in body, mind and spirit, our influence and involvement in the world around us are also lessened. We experience loss of power, status, influence that we once enjoyed.

We are called to find God in these painful losses and limitations. We are called to trust. We are called to engage in the prayer of “acceptance and letting go.”  We pray, “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

We are challenged to learn to receive. In our more active days we were proud of our capacity to give, to contribute. Now we are called to receive than give. We are called to humbly recognise our limitations and dependency on others. We acknowledge and gracefully accept our dependency needs. 

2.      Spirituality of Slowing Down

The Spirituality of Diminishment is a “Spirituality of Slowing Down” – adapting our way of being in the world in keeping with our diminishment.

We are invited to free ourselves from all that is unessential and unimportant at this time of our life;

to focus less on achievements and accomplishments and to enjoy the process of living; to assess our self-worth less in terms of what we do, what we are able to accomplish, and more in terms of who we are, the persons we have become.

We were used to measuring our worth in terms of our capacity to accomplish things. Activity filled our lives. But now we can’t do much. Our limited energy is now spent in trying to get from one day to another. Our lives slow down and in that slowing down we are more able to be present to the here-and-now, to all that is happening in and around us. In that slowing down we have the opportunity to become more of a contemplative -- to take time to reminisce, to marvel at the daily miracles around us, to stand in awe and wonder.

3.      Spirituality of Contemplation

A spirituality of slowing down leads to a contemplative spirituality. To be a contemplative is to take a “long, loving, lingering look” at everything around us. We become contemplatives when we begin to experience the extraordinary in the ordinary, a deeper meaning in the mundane, when we focus totally on the here-and-now experience.

We are invited to make our prayer more and more contemplative. Contemplative prayer is simply being present to God, living in the awareness of God’s presence, saying nothing, doing nothing.

Contemplation is closely linked to a sense of awe and wonder — the ability to be moved by the daily miracles happening around us. Albert Einstein observed that a person “who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead.” In our post-midlife years we have ample time to stand in awe and wonder, especially as we engage in nostalgic reminiscence.

4.      Spirituality of Gratitude

A contemplative spirituality in which we are able stand in awe and wonder leads to a spirituality of grateful, appreciative living. As we reminisce over our long journey of life, we find so much to be grateful for. So many wonderful things have happened to us and continue to happen to us, even amidst the fragilities and vulnerabilities of advancing age. We express gratitude for the daily miracles that are part of our lives.

However, gratitude is not just saying “thank you” for the gifts received or for the good things that happen to us. Gratitude, as psychologist Robert Emmons defines it, is “the capacity to feel the emotion of thankfulness on a regular and consistent basis, across situations and over time.” We live gratefully even in the midst of pain and inconveniences. Gratitude is an appreciative disposition that we cultivate, an attitude that enables us to see the silver lining even around dark clouds.

Gratitude is a virtue that has been found to have enormous consequences for physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. As such it has also a utilitarian effect in the post-midlife years. Research has shown that grateful people fall less often sick, and even when they fall sick, they recover faster. More importantly, grateful people live significantly longer and happier lives than ungrateful people.

5.      Spirituality of Atonement

Post midlife years is a time to let go of past hurts and resentments which have such detrimental effect on our physical and mental health. Dr. Herbert Benson, Head of the Mind/Body Medical Institute at Harvard University, refers to the great harm that lack of forgiveness does to us. .“There’s a physiology of forgiveness,” he observes. “When you do not forgive, it will chew you up.” That is, it will destroy us from within. We let go of hurts resentments, and we reach out in forgiveness to others, so that we can look forward to death without fear and in peace.

6.      Spirituality of Surrender

As we recognize our limitations and lack of control over many aspects of our lives, we learn to surrender in faith and trust to a God who is in control of our lives. We pay heed to what Jesus told the Centurion: “Fear is useless, only trust is needed.” We trust that the Lord will take care of us. We do not need to worry. We practice a spirituality of surrender. We make our own the the prayer of Jesus in the Garden of Gethesmane: “Let your will be done, not mine.” Or like Mary of Nazareth, we say in faith and trust “Feat!” “Let it be as you wish.)

Introspection

• Is there anything in this podcast that touches me specially? If yes, what is it and why?
• How am I experiencing the re-emergence of the sacred in my life?
• Which of the post-midlife spiritualties are part of my life today and which do I need to practice a little more at this period of my life?

Prayer

Jesus’s assuring last words to us before he returned to his Father are: “I am with you always!” In the Old Testament God through his prophets repeatedly tells his people, “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.” We could stay a while in the presence of this God who accompanies us with love and care, who understands our inmost thoughts and feelings, desires and longings and talk to God about all that is going on in our lives at this period or what we experience when we look to the years ahead.. Or, we could Isaiah 43, 1-5, where God says: “Fear not… when you pass through the water I will be with you; in the rivers you will not drown; when you walk though fire , you will not be burned; the flames shall not consume you… Because you are precious in my yes… and because I love you.” And remain gratefully in the presence of this loving and protective God with whatever this passage evokes in us.

 

Have a blessed weekend. Stay safe. Stay Happy.

Thank you for listening/reading.

Pictures: Courtesy google Images

JOSE PARAPPULLY SDB, PhD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com

 

 

Psyche & Soul 28: ENHANCING MENTAL HEALTH AND WELLBEING THROUGH GRATEFUL LIVING

 podcast link:

www.anchor.fm/boscom

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-28-Psyche--Soul-63-eomm2u 

Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre for Psychospiritual Wellbeing at Jeolikote, Uttarakhand, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

In this weekend’s podcast I shall continue exploration of mental health and wellbeing by looking at the role of gratitude.

Role of Positive Emotions in Mental Health

There is a growing body of psychological and medical research that shows positive emotions have a profound impact on our physical and mental wellbeing. Positive emotions like love, joy, hope, contentment are robust predictors of increased psychological well-being, especially during upsetting times.  They optimize health, and psychological resilience. One major reason for this is that positive emotions strengthen our immune system.

An important feature of positive emotions, psychologist Barbara Frederickson observes, is that their effects do not end once suffering is prevented or alleviated. Positive emotions lead to an increment in personal resources that help us both in the present and the future to cope more effectively with challenges and adversities and in that way help promote physical and mental wellbeing.

Power of Gratitude

Important among the dispositions, or virtues, that promote positive emotions is gratitude. Frequent expressions of gratitude evoke in us a sense of wellbeing and strengthen us to face adversity. We feel good when someone thanks us. So too, we can make others feel good by genuinely thanking them and expressing our appreciation.

However, gratitude is much more than saying “thank you” to someone who has given us a gift or helped us in some way, or to God for a blessing received. Gratitude, as defined in research literature, is —“the capacity to feel the emotion of thankfulness on a regular and consistent basis, across situations and over time.” In other words, gratitude is a disposition that accompanies us through good times and bad, when things go well and things go wrong, in illness and health, in success and failure.

It does not take great effort to be grateful. There is so much goodness and blessings even in the midst of all the disruptions and distress that is part of our lives.

Awe and Wonder

For us to grow in gratitude and thankfulness we need to cultivate what the great scientist Albert Einstein called a sense of “awe and wonder” - our ability to be amazed by the daily miracles that happen around us. He wrote: those “who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead.” Further, “There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle.”  When we see these daily miracles around us, we cannot but be grateful and feel good about ourselves and the world around us.

Daughters of St. Paul Sister Caroline Duia has a lovely song entitled “Miracles.” (available on YouTube). Its lyrics speak of these daily miracles “There are miracles every moment… each day is a miracle with its countless blessings. …Yes, it’s a miracle to be alive and be living… to see the golden sunrise, to hear the birds sing, to feel the gentle breeze, to see the wind dancing in the trees… Isn’t it a miracle that just when you feel lonely and blue, then an unannounced friend comes to sooth and comfort…?”

Life is full of these little miracles that should truly make us stand in awe and wonder and experience gratitude and reverence.

Antidote to Mental Illness

Gratitude is an important antidote to mental illness. We cannot, for example, be grateful and depressed at the same time. The moment we begin to be grateful, the depression lifts, even if it is only momentary. The more frequently we express gratitude, the more our depression will be lifted. The more grateful we are, the more we enhance our wellbeing.

There are certain dynamics that mediate the relationship between gratitude and wellbeing. Clayton McClintock, professor of psychology at Columbia University, observes that gratitude “is fundamentally a way of seeing that alters our gaze.” It begins with “a simple recognition that nothing at all can be taken for granted. And if that is so, this life that we have in all its ephemeral particularities, is a precious gift. To recognize this gift is the beginning of gratitude” (Spirituality in Clinical Practice, 2014, 2(1), 21-22).

McClintock’s observation was confirmed by a cancer patient during a patient-physicians conference which about a hundred persons attended. Based on his experience, he observed: “When you don’t consider life as a gift, then you become sick.” He had been too busy with work to notice and appreciate his life and the gifts that life brought him.

According to McClintock “Gratitude immediately shifts one’s attitude away from the negative, away from the seemingly ordinary, and into the new, the good and the beautiful.”

Gratitude is an attitude and disposition that we can consciously cultivate. Gratitude, McClintock observes, “depends on inner intention and not on outer circumstance.” Hence we can be grateful in all circumstances good and bad by shifting our intention and changing our disposition.

Ways to Cultivate Gratitude

One easy means to cultivate gratitude is the daily practice of the Examen of Consciousness that is at the heart of Ignatian spirituality. We take a few minutes at the end of the day to sit quietly and allow memories of the good things – the little miracles - that have happened during the day to come into awareness and we let our heart fill with thankfulness. Gradually we will become more and more sensitive to these gifts and develop a grateful disposition and enhance our mental and emotional wellbeing.

A second means, one that McClintock recommends, is the practice in Buddhist tradition, of calling to mind, at least occasionally, a benefactor, a person whom we actually know, and wanting for the person deep happiness and wellbeing.

A third practice, which many psychologists suggest, is keeping a daily Gratitude Journal. We look back over the day that is ending and pick up at least three blessings, even little ones, we have experienced, list them and describe in writing our feelings about them and whatever else these evoke in us. Gradually, with regular practice, we will cultivate an enduring disposition of gratitude.

We could stay quietly for a while with whatever this podcast is evoking in us today….

For Introspection and Prayer

We often find Jesus giving thanks to his Father. For example, in the Gospel of Mathew he says: “ I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to babes” ( 11, 25)…. In the Gospel of John, he acclaims at the tomb of Lazarus: “Father, I thank you for you have hard me.” (11, 41)…

In his first letter to the Thessalonians Saint Paul exhorts us:  “Give thanks in all circumstances” (5, 1-8). Writing to the Philippians he says: “I thank my God every time I remember you…” (1, 3).

 We could now look back over the year that has ended and allow memories of good things that have happened to us, the blessings we enjoyed in the midst of the pandemic, and spend some time filling our hearts with gratitude. It’s good to be aware of what happens to us when we do that. We can also consider how we can live more gratefully - feeling and expressing gratitude in our daily lives.

Thank you for listening/reading.

Pictures: courtesy google Images

JOSE PARAPPULLY SDB, PHD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com

 

 

Psyche & Soul 14: LIVING GRATEFULLY

 Podcast link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-14-Psyche--Soul---the-contribution-of-gratitude-to-health-and-happiness-35-ekg5n9

Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre for Psychospritual Wellbeing at Jeolikote, Uttarakhand, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This weekend we shall reflect on the contribution of gratitude to health and happiness

Emotionally healthy persons have genuine appreciation for life and its blessings. They experience spontaneous joy and deep satisfaction in living. They are sensitive to the wonderful things happening in them and around them—the daily miracles of life. While recognising the limitations that life imposes on them, and despite the troubles and tragedies they experience, they are able to see and appreciate the blessings in their life. They live gratefully.

Emotionally healthy persons are able to experience this gratitude even in the midst of tragedy. This is beautifully exampled in a research on parents whose son or daughter had been murdered and who had experienced a positive transformation in their lives through their tragic loss.  The research question was: What are the processes and resources that enabled these parents to turn the tragedy – the murder of their son or daughter -- into a gift, to turn their trauma into a positive source for growth and transformation?

 A surprising finding was that one of the resources that enabled each of the participants to grow out of their pain, and experience a positive personal transformation was thankfulness. We might wonder what is there to be thankful for when someone has murdered one’s son or daughter. Yet each one of the participants had so many things for which they were grateful.

Among these participants the one who could have turned out to be most bitter and resentful was Julia (name changed). Yet, she was according to the researcher, the most grateful of all the participants. Julia’s only children - twin daughters -, ten years old, were murdered together one night, supposedly by her estranged husband. Despite this awful tragedy Julia found much in her life for which was thankful. That thankful attitude had enabled her to overcome her trauma and grow through her pain and loss. This is how she expressed her gratitude:

“I am so fortunate . . . it just amazes me, you know. . . .  I am so fortunate. . . . I could not have had them – (my girls). What they brought into my life is so wonderful and precious, that I really am blessed…. And I am lucky to have those memories now. They are still in my life. Those bullets didn’t take those away. . . . And I have tons of gifts in my life. You know, in the balance of my life, yeah, there is a lot of tragedy, but look at the happiness I’ve got, look at the neat things there are in my life.”

Julia finds so much to be grateful for in life, despite the tragedy that struck her.

 What is Gratitude?

Gratitude is much more than saying “thank you” to someone who has given us a gift or helped us in some way, or to God for a blessing received. Gratitude, as defined in psychology, is —“the capacity to feel the emotion of thankfulness on a regular and consistent basis, across situations and over time.” In other words, gratitude is a disposition that accompanies us through good times and bad; when things go well and things go wrong, through success and failure.

 The Power of Gratitude

Psychological and medical research has found that gratitude is a virtue that has enormous consequences for physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. For example, it has been found that grateful persons fall less often sick, and even when they fall sick, they recover much faster than ungrateful persons. And more important, grateful persons live significantly longer lives than the ungrateful persons.   The major reason for the health benefits of gratitude, research tells us, is that gratitude is the disposition that most creates positive emotions in us. These positive emotions, in turn, strengthen our immune system and help us to ward of disease. They increase our resilience.

 It is good for us to keep in mind these physical health benefits of gratitude during these Corona times.

The spiritual power of gratitude can be gaged from the saying attributed to the great fourteenth century Dominican mystic Meister Eckhart who said: “If the only prayer you say in your entire life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.”

Awe and Wonder

There are so many wonderful things, daily miracles happening around us, happenings that need to awaken in us what Albert Einstein described as a “sense of awe and wonder.” But too often we consider these as too mundane. Einstein wrote: “There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle.”

Even during these days of vovid-19 with its hassles and restrictions, there are wonderful things happening around us. Do we notice them? Do we express thanks for them?

What are the daily miracle that you see around you and which evoke awe and wonder in you?...

You could complete the following open ended statement in different ways: “I am thankful today for….” Try making a list. Then spend a few minutes expressing gratitude to God.

One helpful means to cultivate gratitude is the daily practice of the Examen of Consciousness. Take a few minutes at the end of the day to sit quietly and allow memories of the good things – the little miracles - that have happened during the day to come into awareness and let your heart fill with thankfulness. When you do this Examen regularly you will gradually become more and more sensitive to these daily miracles and live more gratefully. Keeping a daily Gratitude Journal in which you list the gifts and blessings of the day and describe your feelings about them is another helpful practice for cultivating gratitude.

Jesus sets us wonderful example of gratitude. In his prayer he often expresses gratitude to his Father - for listening to his prayer, for revealing his message to little ones. He expresses awe and wonder – at his Father’s care for the birds of the air and the lilies of the field…. What is it you can learn from him about gratitude? …  You could spend few moments with him asking him to show you more of the “daily miracles” in your life and allow gratitude to take hold of you and fill your heart with a sense of awe and wonder…. Mary of Nazareth expresses her gratitude in her beautiful Magnificat. May be like her you too could sing your own Magnificat, expressing thanks for the great things God has done for you and continues to do.

Have a pleasant weekend in which you can take time to notice more of the daily miracles and have opportunity to stand in awe and wonder.

Be well. Be blessed.

Thank you for listening/reading

Pictures: courtesy Google Images

Jose Parappully PhD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com