Psyche & Soul 8- NEED FULFILMENT AND EMOTIONAL MATURATION

 Podcast link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-8-Psyche--Soul---NEED-FULFILLMENT-AND-EMOTIONAL-MATURATION-23-eievct

 Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha centre, Jeolikote, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This weekend we shall look at some basic needs that have to be satisfied for us to experience emotional maturation and wellbeing.

We Are All Needy!

All of us – infants, children, adolescents and adults - are needy! Needy for food, needy for rest, needy for attention, needy for appreciation, needy for love … and so on.

When our need is fulfilled, we feel happy and we spread happiness around. Just think of an infant that has been breastfed – and the blissful face of satisfaction and contentment that results. And how that bliss becomes infectious, bringing happiness to the mother and the others around.

Our happiness depends, among other important contributors, to need fulfilment. A fundamental principle in psychology is that “All behaviour is need-driven!” In other words, we behave in a particular way - whether that behaviour is good, bad, beautiful or ugly - because we have a need that we want to satisfy.

The various theories of development that we have explored in the previous columns – Eriksonian, Self Psychology, and Attachment -- describe the healthy ways to fulfil these needs and what happens when we are able or not able to fulfil them.

Basic Emotional Needs

Many of us would be familiar with Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs – represented by the famous triangle, at the wide base of which is survival needs for food, shelter and clothing and at the narrow top the self-actualization needs. Maslow refers to all human needs.

In this podcast we shall focus only on our emotional or psychological needs. Psychologists have been trying to short list the basic psychological needs. One such short list is the one proposed by Richard Ryan and Edward Deci, who formulated what is known as “Self-Determination Theory.”

According the Ryan and Deci there are three basic emotional needs. When these are satisfied we grow up healthy, are driven by intrinsic motivation, and experience a sense of well-being. When these are not realized our emotional development is stunted, motivation diminished and our happiness compromised. 

Which are these basic emotional needs?

1) Relatedness: the need for belongingness and connectedness, to feel accepted and loved; 2) Competence: the need to have a sense of self-efficacy, to feel that we are capable achieving desired results, to feel confident that we can be successful and effective in what we set out to do; and 3) Autonomy: the freedom to give direction to our lives, to make choices or have a say on matters that affect our lives. These basic needs must be satisfied, not only in childhood, but across the life span for us to experience an ongoing sense well-being

Basic Needs and Intrinsic Motivation

One major dynamics that we need to keep in mind in understanding emotional maturation is motivation. Success in life as well as satisfaction in life is built on what is called intrinsic motivation which refers to doing an activity for the inherent satisfaction of the activity itself, that is, when we are motivated by the value of an activity or by an abiding personal interest in it. On the other hand, extrinsic motivation is at work when an activity is undertaken to attain some expected or promised external rewards contingent on compliance or task performance.

Thus, in the school setting, intrinsic motivation is involved when one studies because one is really interested in the subject. Extrinsic motivation is involved when one studies because of the benefits it may bring.

The basic needs of relatedness, competence and autonomy are all involved in fostering intrinsic motivation.

A secure, supportive relational base is essential for developing intrinsic motivation For example, when children engaged in a task are ignored by their caretakers (when there is no mirroring) they are observed to have low intrinsic motivation and their achievement level is lowered. When students experience their teachers as cold and uncaring, intrinsic motivation is reduced. Thus, high quality performance seems to require the presence of appreciative and encouraging mirroring figures.

Opportunities for choice, initiative, creativity and experimentation, so very necessary to build competence, also enhance intrinsic motivation because these provide us a greater feeling of autonomy. Thus, when, both children and adults are given freedom to organize their activities the way they would like to, they are more intrinsically motivated and show greater interest and creativity.

Research has shown that teachers who support autonomy generate in their students greater intrinsic motivation, curiosity, and desire to face and overcome challenges. On the contrary, students who are taught with a more controlling approach not only lose initiative, but learn less effectively. Parents who support autonomy, compared to controlling parents, have children who are more intrinsically motivated.

In regard to adults, autonomy basically means the capacity to make one’s own decisions without undue pressure or fear. It supposes a setting where thinking and personal responsibility are not stifled or just tolerated, but encouraged.

A Facilitative Environment

An important point to note here is that what matters more than someone helping us to meet these basic needs is whether the environment in which we find ourselves is one that facilitates or thwarts the fulfilment of these needs. An environment that encourages relatedness, competence and autonomy facilitates healthy emotional development. On the other hand, an environment characterized by lack of connectedness, excessive control, non-optimal challenges, disrupt our inherent growth potentials, curb our initiative and lead to distress and psychopathology.

So if we are to grow emotionally healthy as well achieve our potential for growth and high quality performance we need environments that foster the fulfillment of these basic emotional needs. And if we want others to experience the same, we need to create from them such an environment.

Quiet Time

We could take a few moments to consider if our needs for relatedness, autonomy and competence are being met or not. We could also consider how we are helping those around us to meet these needs.

…..

We know that our God is very interested in our emotional wellbeing, our health and happiness. God wants jus to experience relatedness, become competent. God respects our freedom to make choices by giving us free will. God wants us to make choices that lead to health and happiness. But God does not force us.

We could stay for a while with the memories and feelings this reflection is evoking is us and talk to this God about our experiences and desires and longings related to these basic emotional needs for relatedness, competence and autonomy.

Have a pleasant weekend where you experience enhanced relatedness, competence and autonomy. Be well, be safe, be blessed.

MEETING POPE FRANCIS – Personification of the Prodigal Father

I had not imagined this would happen. I was able to greet Pope personally, kiss his hands and exchange a few words. 

 

 My opportunity came because I was a member of the General Chapter of the Salesians held in Rome from 22^nd February to April 14. 

During the last week of March the members of the new General Council, including a new Superior General were elected.  

On the last day of the month, the new General Council along with all the members of the General Chapter had a private audience with Pope Francis in the Clementine Hall at the Vatican.

We reached the Vatican around 10.00 am. We were able to enter St. Basilica of St. Peter through a private entrance.

 Holy Mass was going on in the Basilica at the time. However, space had been reserved for us in front of the tomb of St. Peter and we were allowed in.

The newly elected Rector Major Fr. Angel Fernandez led us in the Profession Faith in front of the tomb of St. Peter. We then turned to the statue of Don Bosco, which is right above the statue of St. Peter, a few metres away from the tomb. The Rector Major then led us in the prayer to Don Bosco that had been composed by the former Rector Major Pasucal Chaves as preparation for the General Chapter. 

 

 After that we had ample time to pray personally as well as to take photographs. The Rector Major was very obliging and posed with several members individually and in small groups in front of the tomb of St. Peter.

 

Around 11.00 am we moved out of the Basilica toward the Clementine Hall. There were a number of places where we stopped as a group under the directions of the Swiss Guards (they were all very young and very handsome!).

 Finally having walked up a number of flights of stairs (there were so many of them!) we entered the Clementine Hall and waited for the Pope.

The Clementine Hall, in memory of Pope Clement VIII, is remarkable for the frescoes that cover the ceiling and the walls. I was especially impressed by the representation of “Goodness” and “Religion” that stood out right in front, along with the Coat of Arms of Clement VIII.

 

 The Rector Majors (emeritus and present) and members of the General Council (past and present) took their seats in the front and second row. In deference to the Argentine origins of Pope Francis, all the Chapter members from Argentina were called in front to sit just behind the Council Members.

At precisely 12.00 noon all the doors of the Clementine Hall were shut. There was a buzz of anticipation in the Hall, and curiosity! Which door will Pope Francis use to enter the hall? Will be come from the back door and walk through the aisle greeting those on either side?

 

After a few moments, the official Vatican photographers entered, microphone was set in place. And the Pope entered from the right, through one of the larger doors. The hall resounded with applause.

Pope Francis went straight to Pascual Chaves (Rector Major Emeritus) and greeted him with a warm embrace. He then moved to Fr. Angel Fernandez and did the same. The staccato of the official photographers’ cameras was like that of rapid fire machine guns!

The Pope then moved to his chair, which was not on a platform but on the same level on the floor as the chairs of members in the audience. I think there was a message in that. Later, in a photo-book on the Clementine Hall, I noticed that earlier there was a two-step platform on which the chair was placed.

 

Fr. Angel then read a brief message of greeting.

Pope Francis then read his message, in Italian. He looked up from his prepared text a few times and spoke from his heart.

 

The one spontaneous exhortation that stood out for me and one which he said with the greatest intensity, and I thought with some sorrow, was this (from my understanding of Italian): “I know you Salesians work for young people. But work for the really needy young. There are 75 million young people who are unemployed today.”

 

 I thought the Pope looked tired and his voice too seemed tired. His usual smiles and serene countenance were not so evident (though they came through occasionally).  I think the burden of his Petrine Ministry is beginning to weigh on him.

After the Pope concluded his message, the Members of the General Council, and the Argentinian delegation walked up front to greet the Pope individually.

 

And then an announcement was made that the Pope wanted to greet every member of the Chapter in person. The hall resounded with applause at the announcement.

Some members tried to kneel as they greeted the Pope. But he prevented each of them from doing so, lifting them up. When my turn came, I kissed his hands and told him: “I bring you the good wishes and prayers from many people in India.” I too had tried to kneel, but he gently prevented me.

 

What stands out for me from the meeting is the simplicity and more especially the cordiality, familiarity and fatherliness. I think Pope Francis is making a conscious effort to put aside the pomp and power and be what Popes are meant to be – a father and a good shepherd. 

As I recently read in an article on Pope Francis in The New Yorker – The Prodigal Father is returning to his home. A father who personifies mercy and compassion.

 

News and Views from Rome - 9: SALESIANS ELECT NEW RECTOR MAJOR - ANGEL ARTIME FERNANDEZ-

The 27^th General Chapter of the Salesians of Don Bosco this morning elected Rev. Angel Artime Fernandes (age 53) as the new Rector Major of the Society and the 10^th Successor of Don Bosco.

He was born on 21 August 1960 at Gozon-Luanco, in the Asturie region of Spain.

Fr Fernandes has degrees in theology, philosophy and Pastoral Pedagogy.

He  belonged originally to the Salesian Province of Leon, Spain. He has served as Principal of a school, Province delegate for Youth Pastoral, member of the Provincial Council, and Vice Provincial before being appointed Provincial of Leon in 2000 and completed his six year term in 2006.

He was a member of the Technical Commission that prepared for the 26^th General Chapter.

In 2009 Fr. Angel was appointed Provincial of the Salesian Province of Argentina South, a responsibility he carried out with great efficacy until today.

As Provincial he collaborated on a number of projects with then Archbishop of Buenos Aires – and now Pope Francesco.

Fr Fernandez is known for his administrative skills and pastoral concern, both of which will assist him to open a new chapter in the history of the Salesian Congregation.

MY HOMILY AT MASS AT THE GENERAL CHAPTER - 3rd Sunday of Lent

In this homily I pick up three thematic words from today’s sacred scripture, make a few brief reflections, ask some questions and give time for us to open ourselves to whatever arises spontaneously within us as response and perhaps also speak to God quietly in our hearts.

The first word: JOURNEY

In today’s’ first reading we are reminded of the journey of the Jewish people from Egypt to the Promised Land. I am sure they had set out on that journey with great enthusiasm, glad to leave behind their slavery and oppression. But today we find them tired of that journey; they are discontented and grumble against Moses their leader. They want to go back to the slavery in Egypt.

Referring to ourselves: We are today making multiple journeys simultaneously. For example: we have our spiritual and vocational journey. We are making a Lenten Journey; and we are experiencing together in a special way the journey of this General Chapter.

How do we really feel about these journeys? What is happening to us on these journeys? What is the level of our enthusiasm and passion on our spiritual and vocational journey? What progress have we made on our Lenten Journey? Have we really experienced any “metanoia”/conversion or life continues as usual?

In this context, I recall a sentence from the book of Revelation that I often meditate upon. In Chapter two, in the letter to the Christian community at Ephesus, the one like the Son of Man says: I am very happy with all that you have accomplished for my name’s sake. “But I have this against you. You have lost the love you had in the beginning” (Rev. 2, 4 ). 

This condemnation perhaps may have some relevance to the first module of our Chapter theme: Mystics in the Spirit. Has our focus on frenetic apostolic activity made us forget the primacy of God – the passion for God which is the primary rationale for our religious life choice? We could be working very hard for God and forget that God for whom we are working. Could this be true of us?

Lent is a time to recapture the love we had in the beginning. What efforts are we making to that effect? ….

We have been making our Chapter journey for a long time, more than three years beginning with the Provincial Chapters. We have been making this journey more intensely here at the Generalate for nearly a month now. How are we feeling about this journey at this juncture? Are we tired, disappointed, dissipated, even grumbling like the Jews, or still full of passion, enthusiasm and optimism? How do we really feel about way the Chapter is functioning?

We pause a moment to stay with whatever has been evoked in us through these considerations …. And may be also speak honestly to God about what has been evoked….

Second Word: THIRST

The Jewish people on the desert road thirsted for water. Thirst brings the Samaritan woman to the well. Her thirst for love/lust had led her to five husbands. They had not satiated her. And she was still thirsting. Thirsting for truth; thirsting for social acceptance and inclusiveness; thirsting for some certainty about the messiah. Can we see something of this woman in us? What? …

Jesus is thirsty and asks the woman for a drink. What does this image of Jesus sitting at the well, alone, tired, longing for a cup of water evoke in us? …

What are we really thirsting for? What is the desire welling up from deep within us? St. Ignatius of Loyola said, “You are your deepest desire.” Do we recognise what our deepest desire today is? If we do, what are we doing to satisfy it? …

Do we know what our young people today are really thirsting for? What to do we do to satisfy that thirst? Recognising and responding to that thirst might make us Servants of the Young.

--------- (Pause for reflection and prayer) ------

Third Word: GIFT (“Donum Dei”)

Jesus tells the Samaritan woman: “If only you knew the gift of God…” He then speaks of “living waters” as the gift. We know that scripture scholars and theologians have provided many interpretations as to what that gift is; what the living water is.

 We don’t need to bother about any of those interpretations. They are really irrelevant.

What is relevant is what we ourselves recognise that gift to be for us today.  What is the gift Jesus is offering each of us personally today? What is the gift that the Lord is offering our Congregation through this 27^th General Chapter at this critical juncture in its history? How are we opening ourselves to these gifts?

What is the gift that the Lord wants to offer young people today through us, through our congregation? How are our discussions and deliberations in the Chapter helping us to discern this gift?

….. (Pause for reflection and prayer) …..

An Indian Twist on the Samaritan Woman Story

I like to conclude these reflections with a few lines from Rabindranath Tagore, the Indian poet, from his Nobel Prize winning little book “Gitanjali” (Garland/Offering of Songs) that can add a new perspective to the Samaritan Woman’s story and personalise it:

“I was alone at the well where the shadow of the tree fell aslant, and the women had gone home with their brown earthen pitchers full to the brim. They called me and shouted, “Come with us, the morning is wearing on to noon. But I languidly lingered a while lost in the midst of vague musings.

I heard not thy steps as thou camest. Thine eyes were sad when they fell on me; the voice was tired as thou spokest low – “Ah, I am a thirsty traveller.”

I started up from my day-dream and poured water from my jar on thine joined palms.

I stood speechless with shame when my name thou didst ask. Indeed, what had I done for thee to keep me in remembrance?

But the memory that I could give water to thee to allay thy thirst will cling to my heart and enfold it in sweetness.”

….. (Pause for reflection and prayer) …..

Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be. Amen.

News and Views from Rome - 7: Visit to Naples

I had the opportunity a few days ago to go on  an outing  with the members of the General Chapter to Naples. One hundred and twelve of us made the trip.

Our first stop was the Salesian Provincial House. From there we visited several churches, especially the Basilica of the Restitution where the congealed blood of St. Januarius, the Patron and Protector of Naples is venerated.  The dean of the Cathedral gave us insights into the story of St. Januarius, the history of the Basilica, the annual celebrations and miracles attributed to the Saint.

We also had a meeting with the Cardinal Archbishop of Naples, who spoke of his high regard for the Salesians and the work they do in the Archdiocese.

We strolled through the narrow gullies of ancient Naples lined with shops selling variety of exotic souvenirs.

After a lunch at the Yacht Club of Naples (sponsored by the Province of Naples) we had time to wander around the Bay of Naples, with Mount Vesuvius (notorious for the volcanic eruption that destroyed ancient Pompeii) in the background.

We made our way back (a long walk) to our buses around 6.00 pm and reached back at the Salesian Generalate in Rome around 9.30 pm.