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This weekend we shall look at some basic needs that
have to be satisfied for us to experience emotional maturation and wellbeing.
We Are All Needy!
All of us – infants, children, adolescents and
adults - are needy! Needy for food, needy for rest, needy for attention, needy
for appreciation, needy for love … and so on.
When our need is fulfilled, we feel happy and we
spread happiness around. Just think of an infant that has been breastfed – and the
blissful face of satisfaction and contentment that results. And how that bliss becomes
infectious, bringing happiness to the mother and the others around.
Our happiness depends, among other important
contributors, to need fulfilment. A fundamental principle in psychology is that
“All behaviour is need-driven!” In other words, we behave in a particular way -
whether that behaviour is good, bad, beautiful or ugly - because we have a need
that we want to satisfy.
The various theories of development that we have
explored in the previous columns – Eriksonian, Self Psychology, and Attachment --
describe the healthy ways to fulfil these needs and what happens when we are
able or not able to fulfil them.
Basic Emotional Needs
Many of us would be familiar with Abraham Maslow’s
Hierarchy of Human Needs – represented by the famous triangle, at the wide base
of which is survival needs for food, shelter and clothing and at the narrow top
the self-actualization needs. Maslow refers to all human needs.
In this podcast we shall focus only on our emotional
or psychological needs. Psychologists have been trying to short list the basic
psychological needs. One such short list is the one proposed by Richard Ryan
and Edward Deci, who formulated what is known as “Self-Determination Theory.”
According the Ryan and Deci there are three basic emotional needs. When these are satisfied we grow up healthy, are driven by intrinsic motivation, and experience a sense of well-being. When these are not realized our emotional development is stunted, motivation diminished and our happiness compromised.
Which are these basic emotional needs?
1) Relatedness:
the
need for belongingness and connectedness, to feel accepted and loved; 2) Competence: the need to have a sense
of self-efficacy, to feel that we are capable achieving desired results, to
feel confident that we can be successful and effective in what we set out to
do; and 3) Autonomy: the freedom to give
direction to our lives, to make choices or have a say on matters that affect
our lives. These basic needs must be satisfied, not only in childhood, but
across the life span for us to experience an ongoing sense well-being
Basic Needs and Intrinsic Motivation
One major dynamics that we need to keep in mind in
understanding emotional maturation is motivation. Success in life as well as
satisfaction in life is built on what is called intrinsic motivation which refers to doing an activity for the
inherent satisfaction of the activity itself, that is, when we are motivated by
the value of an activity or by an abiding personal interest in it. On the other
hand, extrinsic motivation is at work
when an activity is undertaken to attain some expected or promised external
rewards contingent on compliance or task performance.
Thus, in the school setting, intrinsic motivation is
involved when one studies because one is really interested in the subject. Extrinsic
motivation is involved when one studies because of the benefits it may bring.
The basic needs of relatedness, competence and
autonomy are all involved in fostering intrinsic motivation.
A secure, supportive relational base is essential for
developing intrinsic motivation For example, when children engaged in a task
are ignored by their caretakers (when there is no mirroring) they are observed
to have low intrinsic motivation and their achievement level is lowered. When
students experience their teachers as cold and uncaring, intrinsic motivation
is reduced. Thus, high quality performance seems to require the presence of
appreciative and encouraging mirroring figures.
Opportunities
for choice, initiative, creativity and experimentation, so very necessary to
build competence, also enhance intrinsic motivation because
these provide us a greater feeling of autonomy. Thus, when, both children and
adults are given freedom to organize their activities the way they would like
to, they are more intrinsically motivated and show greater interest and
creativity.
Research has shown that teachers who support
autonomy generate in their students greater intrinsic motivation, curiosity,
and desire to face and overcome challenges. On the contrary, students who are
taught with a more controlling approach not only lose initiative, but learn
less effectively. Parents who support autonomy, compared to controlling parents,
have children who are more intrinsically motivated.
In regard to adults, autonomy
basically means the capacity to make one’s own decisions without undue pressure
or fear. It supposes a setting where thinking and personal responsibility are
not stifled or just tolerated, but encouraged.
A Facilitative Environment
An important point to note here is that what matters
more than someone helping us to meet these basic needs is whether the
environment in which we find ourselves is one that facilitates or thwarts the
fulfilment of these needs. An environment that encourages relatedness,
competence and autonomy facilitates healthy emotional development. On the other
hand, an environment characterized by lack of connectedness, excessive control,
non-optimal challenges, disrupt our inherent growth potentials, curb our
initiative and lead to distress and psychopathology.
So if we are to grow emotionally healthy as well achieve our potential for growth and high quality performance we need environments that foster the fulfillment of these basic emotional needs. And if we want others to experience the same, we need to create from them such an environment.
Quiet Time
We could take a few moments to consider if our needs
for relatedness, autonomy and competence are being met or not. We could also
consider how we are helping those around us to meet these needs.
…..
We know that our God is very interested in our
emotional wellbeing, our health and happiness. God wants jus to experience
relatedness, become competent. God respects our freedom to make choices by
giving us free will. God wants us to make choices that lead to health and
happiness. But God does not force us.
We could stay for a while with the memories and
feelings this reflection is evoking is us and talk to this God about our
experiences and desires and longings related to these basic emotional needs for
relatedness, competence and autonomy.
Have a pleasant weekend where you experience
enhanced relatedness, competence and autonomy. Be well, be safe, be blessed.
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