Psyche & Soul 9 LIVING WITH MEANING AND PURPOSE

Podcast link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-9-Psyche--Soul---LIVING-WITH-MEANING-AND-PURPOSE-25-eip7u8

 

“I don’t find any meaning in my life. I wonder why I am living like this. Just dragging myself on from day to day. Sometime I wish I were dead” so said the 28-year old Sunita during a personal meeting with me at a seminar.

Sunita is not the only one who feels this way. There are many like her who find it difficult to experience a sense of meaning and purpose in life. Quite a few of these persons gradually sink into clinical depression and sometimes think of ending their life and even attempt to do so. This is very much true during these days of the Covid-19 lockdown, when things that gave meaning to one’s life may no longer be available.

 

Recent research on health and happiness show that a sense of meaning in life is one of the major contributors to emotional and physical wellbeing. Emotionally healthy persons find life a meaningful adventure. They have something that gives meaning and significance to their life, such as an ideology, a dream, a commitment. According to the pioneering personality psychologist, Gordon Allport, “one of the key challenges to maturity is to invest daily life with meaning—to find or create opportunities to make our lives matter”

Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist who has researched happiness and wellbeing for over 25 years observes in her book “The How of Happiness” that having goals in and of themselves is strongly associated with health and happiness. Persons working toward a personally significant goal are far happier than those who do not have such dreams or aspirations. Having goals gives us a feeling of control over our lives and bolsters our self-esteem. It directly influences our physical and mental health. 

When we do not find purpose and meaningfulness, we become vulnerable to the onslaughts of ill-health, both physical and mental. However, when we have these, we can triumph over any tragedy. Viktor Frankl, a survivor of the horrors of the concentration camp at Auschwitz, has built up a whole philosophy around meaningfulness. What helped him to escape alive from Auschwitz, while almost all of his fellow inmates perished, was a dream he cherished: his determination to be with his wife again. While the others lost hope, his dream sustained him and enabled him to survive. A central message in his later writings is a quote from Nietzsche” “If you have a WHY to live for, you can live any HOW.” In other words, if we have meaning and purpose, something to live for, then we will face and triumph over any adversity. As the popular song “The Impossible Dream” from the musical “Man of La Mancha” says it: we can “march through hell for a heavenly cause.”  

Trauma and tragedy are part of the human condition. Those who have something to live for will find it much easier to triumph over these. They will be able not only to makes sense of these, but also create something beautiful out of them. Great artists were able to triumph over the tragedies that befell them, because their passion for their art sustained them. These artists have created some of their most appreciated masterpieces in the midst of great suffering. There is, for example, great poignancy and sensitivity in Beethoven’s String Quartets composed during the years of intense pain and anguish.

One research on bereaved parents found that one of the processes that helped parents whose children were murdered to heal from their trauma was making sense of the tragedy that had befallen them. Creating meaning out of the tragedy was for them a transformational experience. Many of these parents would go on to set up foundations in memory of their loved ones that would benefit a large number of parents who have lost a son or daughter, as well as society at large. This reaching out was one way they were able restore meaning and purpose that had been destroyed by the tragic event.

According to personality psychologist Dan McAdams, two dynamics contribute significantly to finding meaning and purpose, especially after misfortune: a) transform or redeem bad events into good outcomes, and (b) set goals for the future that benefit society.

Reaching out to others, making others’ lives significant is one of the major ways that we can bring meaningfulness into our own lives. This is something that we can do even during these days of the Covid lockdown.

We could now take a few moments to ask ourselves: What gives meaning and purpose to my life? ….. If I am experiencing meaninglessness at this time, what is it I can do to create meaning and purpose?

There is a scene in the Gospel of John at the very beginning of Jesus’ public ministry where two disciples of John the Baptist are walking behind Jesus. After a while, Jesus turns back toward them and asks them: “What do you want?” That is a question that each of us needs to answer from time to time. We could now imagine that scene, place ourselves in the place of the disciples and tell Jesus what we are looking for. We could listen to what he tells us in response and spend a few minutes in his company.

 …… Have a pleasant weekend. Be well. Be safe. Be blessed.

Jose Parappully PhD

Pictures: Courtesy Google Images

Psyche & Soul 8- NEED FULFILMENT AND EMOTIONAL MATURATION

 Podcast link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-8-Psyche--Soul---NEED-FULFILLMENT-AND-EMOTIONAL-MATURATION-23-eievct

 Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha centre, Jeolikote, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This weekend we shall look at some basic needs that have to be satisfied for us to experience emotional maturation and wellbeing.

We Are All Needy!

All of us – infants, children, adolescents and adults - are needy! Needy for food, needy for rest, needy for attention, needy for appreciation, needy for love … and so on.

When our need is fulfilled, we feel happy and we spread happiness around. Just think of an infant that has been breastfed – and the blissful face of satisfaction and contentment that results. And how that bliss becomes infectious, bringing happiness to the mother and the others around.

Our happiness depends, among other important contributors, to need fulfilment. A fundamental principle in psychology is that “All behaviour is need-driven!” In other words, we behave in a particular way - whether that behaviour is good, bad, beautiful or ugly - because we have a need that we want to satisfy.

The various theories of development that we have explored in the previous columns – Eriksonian, Self Psychology, and Attachment -- describe the healthy ways to fulfil these needs and what happens when we are able or not able to fulfil them.

Basic Emotional Needs

Many of us would be familiar with Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs – represented by the famous triangle, at the wide base of which is survival needs for food, shelter and clothing and at the narrow top the self-actualization needs. Maslow refers to all human needs.

In this podcast we shall focus only on our emotional or psychological needs. Psychologists have been trying to short list the basic psychological needs. One such short list is the one proposed by Richard Ryan and Edward Deci, who formulated what is known as “Self-Determination Theory.”

According the Ryan and Deci there are three basic emotional needs. When these are satisfied we grow up healthy, are driven by intrinsic motivation, and experience a sense of well-being. When these are not realized our emotional development is stunted, motivation diminished and our happiness compromised. 

Which are these basic emotional needs?

1) Relatedness: the need for belongingness and connectedness, to feel accepted and loved; 2) Competence: the need to have a sense of self-efficacy, to feel that we are capable achieving desired results, to feel confident that we can be successful and effective in what we set out to do; and 3) Autonomy: the freedom to give direction to our lives, to make choices or have a say on matters that affect our lives. These basic needs must be satisfied, not only in childhood, but across the life span for us to experience an ongoing sense well-being

Basic Needs and Intrinsic Motivation

One major dynamics that we need to keep in mind in understanding emotional maturation is motivation. Success in life as well as satisfaction in life is built on what is called intrinsic motivation which refers to doing an activity for the inherent satisfaction of the activity itself, that is, when we are motivated by the value of an activity or by an abiding personal interest in it. On the other hand, extrinsic motivation is at work when an activity is undertaken to attain some expected or promised external rewards contingent on compliance or task performance.

Thus, in the school setting, intrinsic motivation is involved when one studies because one is really interested in the subject. Extrinsic motivation is involved when one studies because of the benefits it may bring.

The basic needs of relatedness, competence and autonomy are all involved in fostering intrinsic motivation.

A secure, supportive relational base is essential for developing intrinsic motivation For example, when children engaged in a task are ignored by their caretakers (when there is no mirroring) they are observed to have low intrinsic motivation and their achievement level is lowered. When students experience their teachers as cold and uncaring, intrinsic motivation is reduced. Thus, high quality performance seems to require the presence of appreciative and encouraging mirroring figures.

Opportunities for choice, initiative, creativity and experimentation, so very necessary to build competence, also enhance intrinsic motivation because these provide us a greater feeling of autonomy. Thus, when, both children and adults are given freedom to organize their activities the way they would like to, they are more intrinsically motivated and show greater interest and creativity.

Research has shown that teachers who support autonomy generate in their students greater intrinsic motivation, curiosity, and desire to face and overcome challenges. On the contrary, students who are taught with a more controlling approach not only lose initiative, but learn less effectively. Parents who support autonomy, compared to controlling parents, have children who are more intrinsically motivated.

In regard to adults, autonomy basically means the capacity to make one’s own decisions without undue pressure or fear. It supposes a setting where thinking and personal responsibility are not stifled or just tolerated, but encouraged.

A Facilitative Environment

An important point to note here is that what matters more than someone helping us to meet these basic needs is whether the environment in which we find ourselves is one that facilitates or thwarts the fulfilment of these needs. An environment that encourages relatedness, competence and autonomy facilitates healthy emotional development. On the other hand, an environment characterized by lack of connectedness, excessive control, non-optimal challenges, disrupt our inherent growth potentials, curb our initiative and lead to distress and psychopathology.

So if we are to grow emotionally healthy as well achieve our potential for growth and high quality performance we need environments that foster the fulfillment of these basic emotional needs. And if we want others to experience the same, we need to create from them such an environment.

Quiet Time

We could take a few moments to consider if our needs for relatedness, autonomy and competence are being met or not. We could also consider how we are helping those around us to meet these needs.

…..

We know that our God is very interested in our emotional wellbeing, our health and happiness. God wants jus to experience relatedness, become competent. God respects our freedom to make choices by giving us free will. God wants us to make choices that lead to health and happiness. But God does not force us.

We could stay for a while with the memories and feelings this reflection is evoking is us and talk to this God about our experiences and desires and longings related to these basic emotional needs for relatedness, competence and autonomy.

Have a pleasant weekend where you experience enhanced relatedness, competence and autonomy. Be well, be safe, be blessed.

 You can listen to a podcast of this psot at:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-6-Psyche--Soul---We-need-to-reduce-stress-and-anxiety-19-ehqc7k

Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha centre, Jeolikote, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This week end we shall focus on some protective measures against stress and anxiety during these Covid times.

Ravi is a top level professional, admired not only for his innovative ideas but also for his genial personality and collegial style who has been forced by Covid -19 to work from home.

Few days ago Ravi emailed a close friend. “I am not the person I was. I don’t know what is happening to me,” he wrote.  “I find myself getting irritated quite unnecessarily. I find fault with my wife and criticise her, which I had consciously avoided in the past. I even blame her family. Two days ago I shouted at my two children for silly things which made them cry. I am feeling ashamed of myself.”

Covid -19 pandemic can be a stressful time for many. Ravi would not be alone in what he is experiencing. Uncertain times normally lead to stress and even to feeling overwhelmed.  Loss of routine and structures that sustain daily rhythm, inability to connect with people, not being able to go out, having to work from home isolated from colleagues, loss of a sense of safety, worry about contacting the infection, or lack of access to hospital care for other illnesses, and need to be alert and cautious, and especially uncertainty and unpredictability about the future lead to high levels of anxiety.

During times such as this we can be overwhelmed not only by worry but also by other emotions such as fear, anger, hopelessness, sadness and grief.  There can also be feelings of discouragement and being out of control. It is easy for the stressed-out mind to conjure up worst-case scenarios.

Relationship Strain

When we are deprived of social interaction with those other than we live with, there is increased potential for relational friction with those who are close by. When we do  not have much to keep ourselves busy and occupied (or, preoccupied) as when deprived of the daily hassles of travel and work, we have ample time to notice negative features in those we live with which we may not have earlier. When this happens, our mind tends to go back over memory lane and pull up more and more unpleasant situations and incidents involving the other. This can lead to bickering and recrimination that strain the relationship, leading to further emotional alienation.

Fear of Stigma

In case we had tested positive and recovered, there can be fear of social stigma. We fear that those who know of our condition are going to avoid us.

Increased Stress Levels

All this can lead to increased stress which in turn impairs our physical and emotional wellbeing.

The psychological effects have been already mentioned. Physical responses may include headache, stomach-upsets, muscle tension, fatigue and sleeplessness. It can also lead to poor cardiovascular function, and higher levels of blood pressure. It can aggravate existing ailments.

Stress increases the activity of genes involved in causing inflammation and decreases that of genes involved in antiviral responses, which is especially relevant in this time of Covid-19.

HELPFUL STRATEGIES

There are number of things we can do to stay healthy and happy during the pandemic. 

1.      Stay Positive: Fight Negativity

We need to make a special effort to weed out negativity and focus on the positive. Because persons can be high-strung during isolation, fault finding is easy.  We need to consciously choose to focus on the positive, and look for opportunities to express appreciation. Blaming, accusations, fault-finding are especially hazardous during confinement.

Too much watching, reading or listening to news about COVID-19 can cause us to feel anxious or distressed. Seek information updates at specific times during the day-- once or twice would be enough.

In terms of fighting negativity it is helpful to look for reasons to be grateful. We cannot be grateful and negative at the same time. Gratitude has also many health benefits. The positivity that gratefulness creates boosts the immune system with resultant health benefits. Even during these difficult times there is so many things for which we can be thankful.

Writing a gratitude journal (listing the gifts and blessings) at the end of the day is a helpful exercise. We may even begin to see blessings in the pandemic itself, seeing opportunities where we were earlier only seeing obstacles.

2.      Connect with Friends and Colleagues

Studies have shown that in times of social isolation, more than connection with our family members, what helps ward off loneliness is connection with our friends and colleagues. Hence keeping in contact with our friends and acquaintances outside immediate family is important. This can be done easily today through the means of communication available to us. An easy topic for conversation with friends and colleagues is discussion on how we and others are facing this imposed isolation and how our lives and our work are affected by it.

3.      Reach out to Help

Reaching out to help those in distress has personal benefits. There are so many ways we can do this. Helping others creates positive feelings in us and boosts our immune system, decreasing our vulnerability to illness. It is nature’s way of rewarding our generosity.

4.      Create a Pleasant Environment

Creating a pleasant environment in the space to which we are confined is especially important. We can do this first of all by avoiding negative and critical conversations. Planning and executing common activities (a celebratory event is especially helpful) brings joy and togetherness.

Busy parents who otherwise have not had enough time to spend with children are given a golden opportunity. Play with them, do fun things with them. Read stories to the very small children.

A clean environment matters. Studies have found that when we are surrounded by clutter, the visual chaos affects our brain. It gets in the way of our ability to process information. Research has also shown a cluttered home environment increases the levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

The way we dress also has an impact on our feeling of wellbeing. Since we do not need to go outside or work in an office, we might tend to be too casual or even shabby in our dress. Dressing up, as though we were going to office or visiting friends, will put us in better frame of mind and energize us.

While doing things together is important, it is also helpful, even necessary, to create some personal space where we can be by ourselves do things undisturbed by others. The solitude that such personal spaces provide can also help us devote time and energy to projects we are interested in, but could not find time earlier.

A quiet space is especially important for us to engage in meditation, which is very helpful to reduce stress and anxiety and create positivity.

5.      Fight Boredom

Reduced activity caused by absence from our place of work and the hassles of travel leaves time on our hands. Not knowing how to utilize it can lead to boredom and irritation.

Having a structure helps. Create a schedule for various activities and stick to it. Go to sleep and get up (even if we choose to sleep longer) at the same time every day.

6.      Exercise and Relaxation

Physical activity improves overall health, reduces risk of diseases, and can make us feel better and function better.

Exercise energizes mind and body, reduces anxiety and increases feelings of wellbeing. Even short spells of physical activity are beneficial.

Even though outdoors are the best for exercise, it can also be done with great benefit within the narrow space to which we might be confined during the lockdown. Yoga, qigong, tai-chi, and simple aerobics, besides beating boredom, help stimulate and strengthen the immune system. Acupressure - rubbing or tapping some specific pressure points in the body helps release tension, lessen anxiety and improve blood flow.

Dancing is another way to exercise. It relaxes body and mind and creates a good mood.

Listening to music has a calming effect on the nerves. So, pull out our favourite music CDs, plug in the head-phones (not to disturb others around) and let the music flow.

Tending to plants is another stress reliever. Some of us may have potted plants inside the room. Some may be even more fortunate and have a garden to tend.

Settling comfortably with a favourite book can be both exciting and relaxing. It can also promote mental wellbeing. Studies have linked reading to improvements in depression symptoms, as well as mental flexibility and brain function.

7.      Surrender

There are many things over which we have no control. We do not know how things are going to be. Worrying about things over which we have no control is a futile and useless activity, which only increases our stress levels.

In this context surrendering in faith to a God who loves and cares for us can relieve stress and anxiety. The Prophet Isaiah reminds us of God’s protective presence during difficult times. He says:

Fear not…

When you pass through the waters I will be with you;

And through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

When you walk through fire you shall not be burned,

And the flames shall not consume you….

Because you are precious in my eyes,… and I love you.

Fear not I am with you.” (43, 3-5)

……

What do these words of Isaiah evoke in us as we struggle with our anxieties and fears? How do they move us? What are the feelings rising to surface as we stay with these words and images?.....

As we conclude, we could imagine God being with us, and place ourselves in the caring and protective arms of God and enjoy for a while the security and comfort this provides.

…..

Have a pleasant weekend, feeling safe and secure in the arms of God. Stay Safe. Stay Blessed. Bye for now.

Psyche & Soul – 5: WE NEED EMPATHIC AND ADMIRABLE PEOPLE AROUND US

You can listen to the podcast of this post at:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-5-Psyche--Soul---We-need-empathic-and-admirable-people-around-us-17-ehfvpk

Hello, This is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre, Jeolikote, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This weekend, we shall reflect on our need to have around us empathic and caring people who mirror our grandiosity, whom we can idealize and to whom we feel connected, in order for us to grow up and remain healthy and happy.

I invite you to imagine the following.

Jyoti is 11 months old – the time when her parents are eager to see her take her first steps. One day her mother takes Baby Jyoti outside into the courtyard, puts her down on the grass, holds her by the hand and coaxes her to take a step or two forward. Jyoti obliges, and holding on to her mother’s outstretched fingers takes a few steps. She then leaves the mother’s hand and takes a few more wobbling steps forward – on her own – as the mother watches proudly with delight. Baby Jyoti then stops and looks back at her mother. She sees her mother’s eyes lit up as her baby girl walks for the first time on her own.

Why was Baby Jyoti looking back? She did that to see if her mother had recognized her great achievement. Fortunately for her, the mother did recognize it and affirmed it, as she beamed back at her, sharing in Jyoti’s excitement.

What Baby Jyoti just experienced is “mirroring” – an experience necessary for healthy emotional development according to Self Psychology, another major contemporary psychological theory.

Mirroring is someone who matters to us holding up a metaphorical mirror in which we can see our “grandiosity” – our feeling of being great, capable, wonderful, beautiful, etc. reflected back to us in the way they respond to us.

Self Psychology, founded by Heinz Kohut, holds that we need frequent mirroring experiences to develop a strong, healthy sense of self – what Kohut calls a “cohesive self.”

Mirroring alone is not sufficient to develop a healthy, cohesive self. We also need people around us to whom we can look up in admiration and feel connected to and count on to provide strength, comfort and assurance. In the language of Self Psychology this is the need for “idealization.” When we have such people around us, we feel stronger and more confident and develop a positive self-image.

Such idealizing experiences helps us, especially as a developing child, to feel vicariously more powerful and more resourceful. It is as if we walk proudly in the shadow of the admired other. Gradually the qualities admired in the idealized other become internalized and strengthen our sense of self.

In Self Psychology these mirroring and idealizing experiences are known as “Selfobject” experiences, that is, self-other experiences. These self-object experiences evoke, maintain and give cohesion and strength to our self. They make us feel stronger, more confident and help us develop self-esteem, so necessary to interact in healthy ways with others.

Missing or faulty selfobject experiences lead to what Self Psychology calls “narcissistic injury”– a great sense of hurt and disappointment, resulting in an experience of fragmentation and emptiness which weaken our sense of self.

Imagine what Baby Jyoti in the example given would feel if the mother were not to notice her great achievement, or indicate some delight in it, if she noticed. Something would have collapsed within Jyoti, fragmenting her emerging sense of self.

Such fragmentation, when experienced frequently, weakens our sense of self, affecting our healthy development and undermining our capacity for healthy relationships. Our self remains weak, fragile, and fragmented. Our inter-personal relations and our professional effectiveness get negatively affected. We would lack the confidence needed to reach out to others in love and when we do, it leads to conflicts and heartaches.

So, to grow with the self-esteem and self-confidence necessary to relate in healthy ways we require mirroring and idealizing self-object experiences in childhood and it is very important that those around us do not cause in us narcissistic injuries. When narcissistic injuries do happen, it is important that caregivers help heal them through empathic responsiveness.

…..

Take a moment to allow experiences of gratifying mirroring and idealization experiences, as well as memories of narcissistic injuries to come into awareness and stay with the feelings these evoke in you.

……

No matter how we might have missed mirroring and idealizing persons around us, we know that we have a God who mirrors our grandiosity and is the kind of person we can idealize. We are “God’s Beloved Sons & Daughters!” We can always glow in the warmth of God’s unconditional love for us.

When we experience a narcissistic injury this compassionate God reaches out to heal us. Through the Prophet Isaiah God tells his people: “as one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you” (66, 13). The psalmist says of God: “He heals the broken hearted, and binds up all their wounds” (147, 3)

This comforting and healing God is with us in the here and now. We could now approach this God with all our narcissistic injuries and brokenness and allow God to touch us and heal us.

We could spend some time sharing with God our hurt and pain, and feel comforted. Imagine God bending down, pouring healing balm into and binding up our wounds. We could then remain quietly in the warm embrace of this healing God for a while and notice what happens to us.

….

Have a pleasant weekend. Be safe. Be blessed…. Bye for now.

Pictures: Courtesy google Images

BIS Psyche & Soul 3. Childhood Foundations of Healthy Relationships 2: Secure Attachments

The podcast of this post is available at:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-3-Psyche--soul---Foundation-of-Healthy-Relationships-Trust-12-egs0te

This is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre, Jeolikote, with another edition of “Psyche & Soul”

This weekend we shall explore another important foundation of healthy relationships– namely, Secure Attachments in childhood.

Let me begin by telling you about Mrs Miranda.

Mrs Jessie Miranda is very popular with the teachers and the girls of the college where she is Principal. Parents of students as well as others who interact with her like the way she treats them. She is also a very competent Principal, who has been able to raise the standard of the college considerably since she took over.

Her family finds her a very loving and sensitive wife and mother. Members of her parish have very good opinion of her. She is friendly and actively engaged in parish activities. Young women in the parish often seek her advice with their problems.

When asked what was the secret of her popularity she referred to the good time she had in her own family as a child. She felt her parents really cared for her. Whenever she experienced some distress or was in some need they responded with care and sensitivity.

This kind of sensitive responsiveness on the part of her parents helped the young Jessie to develop self-esteem and self-confidence which helped her to relate to others in a friendly way. She was able to internalize the sensitive responsiveness of her parents toward her and manifest the same to others. Naturally, she grew up to be a very likable and helpful person.

Jessie’s profile fits that of a child, and later the adult, who experiences what psychologists today agree is a necessary foundation for healthy relationships– namely, secure attachment in childhood. There is a whole school of psychology built on this conviction. It is known as Attachment theory and is one of the cutting edge contemporary psychological theories.

Unlike many other theories in psychology, Attachment theory is based on thousands of hours of direct observation of parent-child interactions, both in the real world and in the laboratory. It is widely regarded as probably the best research-supported theory of emotional development yet available.

Attachment theory underlines the powerful influence parents, particularly the mother, have on the emotional development of children, especially on the development of self-trust and trust of others, so necessary for healthy interpersonal relationships.

Attachment theory presents four types of attachment styles. Secure attachment, two kinds of insecure attachments – ambivalent and avoidant, and a disorganized attachment style.

In the pattern of secure attachment, as exemplified in the case of Jessie, the child is confident that its parent (or parent figure) will be available, responsive, and helpful when it seeks protection or comfort, or encounters adverse or frightening situations. With this assurance, it feels bold to explore the world. It is such “exploration from a secure base,” as it is called, that leads to development of a sense of competence and self-confidence in the child that enables the child and later the adult to relate in healthy ways to those in its surroundings.

As children we seek some adult to whom to attach ourselves. The more sensitive and responsive this adult is to our needs, the deeper and more secure our attachment and greater the likelihood that we will develop healthy and fulfilling interpersonal relationships.

……

Here we can recall the experience of the disciples of Jesus on the sea when the sudden storm arose. They are frightened and feeling very insecure. However, the comforting words of Jesus “Why are you afraid? I am here.” gives them security. Both their inner fears and the storm outside subside.

We all require the calming presence of a sensitive and caring other in our childhood to provide us a sense of safety and security, especially in times of trouble and danger. The secure attachment we develop to this person makes us confident to reach out to others in trust and build satisfying relationships necessary for health and happiness.

You may now want to stay a while quietly with whatever this reflection on foundations of healthy relationships is evoking in you:

• How does Mrs Miranda’s story affect you? Is your experience similar to or different from hers? In what way?
• As a child, did you experience your parents as available, responsive and helpful when you needed them? What memories of such experiences or their opposite come into awareness?
• Stay a while with the feelings these memories evoke in you.

…..

The Jesus who provided assurance to the disciples during the storm at sea is present to you here and now. You could place all these childhood memories and the feelings they evoke in the hands of Jesus and spend a few moments listening and talking to him.

……..

Have a pleasant weekend where you feel secure in the closeness of your dear ones and nearness Jesus who walks with you. Bye for now.

Please send your comments, and questions to me at sumedhacentre@gmail.com

Images: Courtesy google Images