Psyche & Soul 18: PREVENTING/RELIEVING STRESS THE S-AMRT WAY.

 

Podcast Link

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-18-Psyche--Soul---PREVENTING-AND-RELIEVING-STRESS-THE-S-AMRT-WAY-43-elphve

Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre for Psychospritual Wellbeing at Jeolikote, Uttarakhand, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This weekend we shall explore how we can reduce as well as prevent stress.

Stress is common place during these Covid -19 times. Learning to handle this stress is important for our health and happiness.

Managing stress is all about taking charge: taking charge of our thoughts, our emotions, our schedules, our environment, and the way we deal with situations and perceived threats.

Stress management involves changing the stressful situation when we can, changing our reaction when we can’t, taking care of ourselves, and making time for rest and relaxation.

                                                                      The S-AMRT Approach

I am suggesting a 4-S approach to managing stress: Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Self-Renewal and Self-Transformation or the (S-AMRT) Approach

 Self-Awareness

We need to be aware of what is happening to us and in us.

·        Become aware of our daily routine, especially in regard to work and the effect that routine is having on our life and relationships.

·         Become aware of the kind of situations and reactions that trigger negative emotions and distress.

·    Become aware of changes in our physical wellbeing: of incipient fatigue, headaches, insomnia, gastro-intestine problems, and other physical stresses. Such awareness lets us know that something is wrong and signals the need for us to do something to correct things.

·      When we attempt a change of course, we need to become aware of our successful and   unsuccessful modes of coping with stress.

Self-Management

The second is self-management. We need to learn to manage our lives better. This we do by bringing about some helpful changes in our attitudinal and behavioural patterns.

 ·         Developing more flexible attitudes towards self and work is a good place to start.

 ·       We need to learn to manage our energy; know how much of it to spend and where and when and how.  Time management is a great help here. We need to set priorities, and learn to delegate tasks. We need to     discern which are the tasks that need our personal attention and time investment and which can be done by others

·       Learning to ask for help is another stress-buster. Too often we try to manage things on our own, and get frustrated. Frustration triggers a stress response. A simple way to avoid this needless stress is to ask someone for help -- for advice as well as hands-on help.

·         We need to make our job expectations our own and not somebody else's. Trying to reach standards someone sets up for us is a recipe for continued frustration and burnout.

 ·       We also need to make goals and standards we set for ourselves realistic.  Setting standards far above our capacity to achieve them will lead to frustration and to stress.

Third, Self-Renewal

There are many ways we can renew ourselves and feel energised.

·         Increasing physical fitness and overall wellbeing through vigorous exercise makes us less vulnerable to the negative effects of stress. Proper diet too assists in this.

 ·      It is important that we have time to rest and relax. Relaxation decreases blood pressure, slows down heart beat and breathing rate and facilitates healing for the mind and body. Techniques such as yoga, meditation, deep abdominal breathing, visualization of serene environments, or even simply sitting or lying restfully with eyes closed thinking of nothing in particular activate the body’s relaxation response. 

 ·       Creative and meaningful relationships serve as sources of energy mobilization and provide opportunities for healthy relaxation.

Finally, Self-Transformation

·         We can bring about self-transformation through cognitive restructuring, that is, changing our perceptions and thought patterns. Changing our perceptions and interpretations, for example, of threatening situations or obstacles we face can help us both to find relief from stress as well as prevent stress.

 ·         Changing the way we see events—as outside our control or within our control—may be the biggest factor in staying on top of stress. Believing we have control over events in our life has great leverage in management of stress. Even when we can’t control an event or situation, we can control our reaction to it, we can change our perception about it, and how we think about it.

 ·         It is also possible to change the reality, or the stressor itself. For example, our stress may be coming from an overcrowded day. We can eliminate or at least reduce the stress by creating lighter work schedules. Prioritising and delegating are two important ways to reduce work stress.

 ·         How we appraise events (stressors) is influenced by our self-concept, how we see ourselves. Building a positive sense of self, strengthening our belief in ourselves and our capacity to be in control and achieve desired results can reduce our vulnerability to stress.

 ·       Living ethically, making our private lives congruent with the values we espouse publicly, and pursuing goals consistent with those values, also reduces the stress that results from guilt and fear of exposure.

 ·    Learning to live in peace with those who inhabit our relational world is also important. Inter-personal conflicts are major causes of stress. There are many such conflicts that we can easily avoid with a little effort. 

For reflection.

 ·         What’s the level of stress you are currently experiencing? What could be some of the causes of your stress? What insights are you getting from this podcast as to how you can prevent or reduce stress in your life?

In the Gospel Jesus says: “Come to me all you who are weary and overburdened. I will give you rest.” That Jesus is with you here and now, reaching out to you with compassion as he did to so many. You could spend a few minutes with him, telling him how you really feel, sharing your burdens with him and experience the relief he has promised. You could also visualize Jesus, like a compassionate mother, soothing and comforting you with great tenderness.

Have a stress-free  weekend. Be well. Be safe. Be Blessed.

Thank you for listening/reading.

Pictures: Courtesy Google Images

Jose Parappully SDB, PhD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com

 

Psyche & Soul 9 LIVING WITH MEANING AND PURPOSE

Podcast link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-9-Psyche--Soul---LIVING-WITH-MEANING-AND-PURPOSE-25-eip7u8

 

“I don’t find any meaning in my life. I wonder why I am living like this. Just dragging myself on from day to day. Sometime I wish I were dead” so said the 28-year old Sunita during a personal meeting with me at a seminar.

Sunita is not the only one who feels this way. There are many like her who find it difficult to experience a sense of meaning and purpose in life. Quite a few of these persons gradually sink into clinical depression and sometimes think of ending their life and even attempt to do so. This is very much true during these days of the Covid-19 lockdown, when things that gave meaning to one’s life may no longer be available.

 

Recent research on health and happiness show that a sense of meaning in life is one of the major contributors to emotional and physical wellbeing. Emotionally healthy persons find life a meaningful adventure. They have something that gives meaning and significance to their life, such as an ideology, a dream, a commitment. According to the pioneering personality psychologist, Gordon Allport, “one of the key challenges to maturity is to invest daily life with meaning—to find or create opportunities to make our lives matter”

Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist who has researched happiness and wellbeing for over 25 years observes in her book “The How of Happiness” that having goals in and of themselves is strongly associated with health and happiness. Persons working toward a personally significant goal are far happier than those who do not have such dreams or aspirations. Having goals gives us a feeling of control over our lives and bolsters our self-esteem. It directly influences our physical and mental health. 

When we do not find purpose and meaningfulness, we become vulnerable to the onslaughts of ill-health, both physical and mental. However, when we have these, we can triumph over any tragedy. Viktor Frankl, a survivor of the horrors of the concentration camp at Auschwitz, has built up a whole philosophy around meaningfulness. What helped him to escape alive from Auschwitz, while almost all of his fellow inmates perished, was a dream he cherished: his determination to be with his wife again. While the others lost hope, his dream sustained him and enabled him to survive. A central message in his later writings is a quote from Nietzsche” “If you have a WHY to live for, you can live any HOW.” In other words, if we have meaning and purpose, something to live for, then we will face and triumph over any adversity. As the popular song “The Impossible Dream” from the musical “Man of La Mancha” says it: we can “march through hell for a heavenly cause.”  

Trauma and tragedy are part of the human condition. Those who have something to live for will find it much easier to triumph over these. They will be able not only to makes sense of these, but also create something beautiful out of them. Great artists were able to triumph over the tragedies that befell them, because their passion for their art sustained them. These artists have created some of their most appreciated masterpieces in the midst of great suffering. There is, for example, great poignancy and sensitivity in Beethoven’s String Quartets composed during the years of intense pain and anguish.

One research on bereaved parents found that one of the processes that helped parents whose children were murdered to heal from their trauma was making sense of the tragedy that had befallen them. Creating meaning out of the tragedy was for them a transformational experience. Many of these parents would go on to set up foundations in memory of their loved ones that would benefit a large number of parents who have lost a son or daughter, as well as society at large. This reaching out was one way they were able restore meaning and purpose that had been destroyed by the tragic event.

According to personality psychologist Dan McAdams, two dynamics contribute significantly to finding meaning and purpose, especially after misfortune: a) transform or redeem bad events into good outcomes, and (b) set goals for the future that benefit society.

Reaching out to others, making others’ lives significant is one of the major ways that we can bring meaningfulness into our own lives. This is something that we can do even during these days of the Covid lockdown.

We could now take a few moments to ask ourselves: What gives meaning and purpose to my life? ….. If I am experiencing meaninglessness at this time, what is it I can do to create meaning and purpose?

There is a scene in the Gospel of John at the very beginning of Jesus’ public ministry where two disciples of John the Baptist are walking behind Jesus. After a while, Jesus turns back toward them and asks them: “What do you want?” That is a question that each of us needs to answer from time to time. We could now imagine that scene, place ourselves in the place of the disciples and tell Jesus what we are looking for. We could listen to what he tells us in response and spend a few minutes in his company.

 …… Have a pleasant weekend. Be well. Be safe. Be blessed.

Jose Parappully PhD

Pictures: Courtesy Google Images

ENHANCING PSYCHOLOGICAL WELLBEING DURING SOCIAL ISOLATION RELATED TO CORONA LOCKDOWN

ENHANCING PSYCHOLOGICAL WELLBEING DURING SOCIAL ISOLATION RELATED TO CORONA LOCKDOWN

JOSE PARAPPULLY, PhD

Social isolation resulting from the Corona lockdown in itself may not lead to negative psychological consequences. However, prolonged confinement with a group people in restricted space can strain relationships which in turn can cause negative consequences. It is not social isolation per se, but the feeling of being alone, that is, feeling disconnected or alienated that in a significant way leads to negative consequences such as depression and anxiety.

There is robust evidence that loneliness significantly increases risk of premature mortality. Lack of a feeling of connectedness heightens health risks s much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and is twice as harmful to physical and mental health as obesity (Monitor on Psychology, 5, 2017)

Adverse health consequences of loneliness, understood as the subjective sense of a lack of desire connectedness, include besides depression and anxiety, poor sleep quality, accelerated cognitive decline which increases risk of dementia, poor cardiovascular function, higher levels of blood pressure and impaired immunity.

Loneliness heightens levels of stress which we know is at the root of most of major killer diseases. It increases the activity of genes involved in causing inflammation and decreases that of genes involved in antiviral responses, which is especially relevant in this stressful time Covid- 19 and lockdown.

Relationship Strain
Relationship strain is the major contributor to loneliness. We can be lonely even when we are with a group of people, including family members, if our relationships are strained. On the other hand, we do not feel lonely even when alone if we have a subjective sense of connectedness.

Hence the challenge during the lockdown is to stay psychologically connected. It is especially important to take care that relationships do not strain, the possibility for which is quite strong when we stay confined within small spaces with a group of people.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, also known as the Grant Study, which is perhaps the longest running longitudinal study anywhere and anytime (about 80 years running) has unequivocally shown that the number one contributor to health and happiness is satisfying relationships. Strained relationships, on the other hand, take a toll. For example, a bad marriage is worse than no marriage. “The good life,” Dr. Robert Waldinger, the current director of the Harvard Study declares, “is built on good relationships.”

When people are deprived of social connections with those other than they live with, there is increased potential for relational friction with those they live with. When relationships are close-binding, with little outlets for connectedness with others, conflicts within the relationship become more of a possibility. When this happens, psychological distancing from those one lives with is the result. This is a danger that one has to avoid during the imposed social isolation.

Another reason for this potential alienation is that when we live with someone with not much to do and with little interaction with those outside the inner circle, we have ample time to notice negative features in the other we may not have earlier. Along with this, our mind will tend to go back over memory lane and pull up unpleasant situations and incidents involving the other. This can lead to bickering and recrimination that strain the relationship, increasing psychological alienation. 

Prolonged close proximity, even within an intimate relationship, is a psychological health hazard.

Besides, having nothing much to do in the absence of the usual demands that daily life makes on us, without the option of venturing out and engaging in social intercourse, can lead to boredom which in turn can fray nerves and negatively affect the relationships within.

Hence the challengers are: 1. To take special care to avoid fault finding and negativity. 2. To maintain connectedness with those outside. 3. Create pleasant environment. 4 Fight boredom. There are multiple ways to meet these challenges.

Avoid Negativity

Regarding the first: We need to make a special effort to weed out negativity and focus on the positive. Recall together the good times we have had. Leafing through the album of old photographs and commenting on them, narrating the happy times on trips taken together long time ago, as well as interesting personal anecdotes that the others may not know of are very helpful in enhancing relationships. It is important here to remember The Rule of Four. Before we ever mention anything negative about the other, we make sure we have said at least four pleasant or positive things about or to the person! Better still, if anything negative comes up, defer its communication to a later time. Blaming, accusations, fault-finding are especially hazardous during confinement.

Within the confined, and sometimes crammed, space we can become more sensitive to noise, loud conversations and other disruptive sounds. We will be more demanding in regard to use of common space, equipment and devices. There is potential for quarreling and fighting in regard to these.

Sensitivity to others’ need is important. Just as we experience tension and irritation created by the situation, others we live with will also. We need to respond with empathy than annoyance to others’ irritating words and behaviour.

Connect with Friends and Colleagues

In regard to the second: studies have shown that in times of social isolation, more than connection with one’s partner or family members, what helps ward off loneliness is connection with one’s friends and colleagues. Hence keeping in contact with our friends and acquaintances outside our immediate family circle is important. This can be done easily today through the means of communication available to us. An easy topic for conversation with friends and colleagues is discussion on how we are facing this imposed isolation and how we and our work are affected by it.

Even if we are not connecting in person with those outside, virtual connection through social media also helps. Besides, engagement with social media can keep us busy and ward off boredom. However, it is important to keep in mind that too much engagement with social media, especially when it distances us from those we live with is not a good thing. Fake news amply available on social media can cause fear and anxiety.

Create Pleasant Environment

In regard to the third: Creating a pleasant environment in the space we are confined in is especially important. We can do this first of all by avoiding negative and critical conversations. Planning and executing celebratory events brings joy and togetherness.

Busy parents who otherwise have not had enough time to spend with children are given a golden opportunity. Play with them, do fun things with them. Read stories to the very small children.

Cooperative cleaning up the house or giving a new coat of paint to the walls also help create pleasant environment. Even re-arranging the furniture can contribute to creation of a pleasant physical space.

Fight Boredom

In regard to the third: Reduced activity arising from absence from our place and the hassle of travel leaves time on our hands. Not knowing how to utilize it can lead to boredom and irritation.

The activities involved in creating a pleasant environment as described are great ways to beat boredom.

However there is something more important. Even within the closed spaces, we have to create a personal space where we can occasionally isolate ourselves and be able to do things we are interested in without interference from others.

The solitude that such personal spaces provide can also help us to devote time and energy to projects we are interested in. For example, if we are technologically oriented, we can experiment creatively. If we are inclined toward literary pursuits, this is the time to write that article that we have dreamed of, but had not found time for. We can start writing the first pages of that wonderful book have been dreaming of writing. The time at our disposal gives us opportunity also to try out creative cooking and baking.

Settling comfortably with a favourite book can be both exciting and relaxing. When we do that from our balcony or from our garden (f we have one) we are also refreshed by nature. Sitting quietly outdoors, doing nothing important, but simply taking in the nature around us, can be very refreshing and will make the time spent within less boring.

Exercise is a great boredom buster. Moreover, it energizes mind an body, reduces anxiety and increases feelings of wellbeing.  Yoga, qigong, tai-chi, and simple aerobics, besides beating boredom, help stimulate and strengthen the immune system. Acupressure is a very simple routine we can engage in when we sit alone or with others. It is as simple as pressing, rubbing or tapping some specific pressure points in the body. We can easily find these points and methods through a search on Google.

Tending to plants is a great stress reliever. Some of us may have potted plants inside the room. Some of us may be even more fortunate and have a garden to tend. Contact with mother earth and elements of nature through gardening will refresh our bodies and spirit and enliven our relationships, besides helping us fight off boredom.

The lockdown, despite the limitations and inconveniences it imposes upon us, can also turn out to be a great life-enhancer.