Psyche & Soul 54 MIDLIFE –XI: MOVING TOWARD INTEGRITY

 Podcast link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-54-Psyche--Soul--115-e145dc1

Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre for Psychospiritual Wellbeing at Jeolikote, Uttarakhand with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

 In this edition, I present another midlife challenge: achieving integrity--that is ability look back over one’s life without regrets and look forward to death without fear.

 Sr. Felicia is in her late 80’s. She is physically frail and bedridden because of a debilitating illness. But her mind is sharp as it was in her twenties when she first came to India as a young missionary. She radiates joy and enjoys telling stories to her visitors – stories of her experiences. “When I first came to India…” she would begin and go on a narrative of her missionary adventures. She would often repeat the same story. Those who have heard her many times, would tell her. “Sister, we have heard that one before. Tell us another.” She would then say, “This I think I have not told you.” And then start something different, but invariably after a while her narrative would go back to the oft repeated stories.

What Sr. Felicia is doing is reminiscing and integrating. In retelling her experiences she brings the bits and pieces of her long life into perspective and endows them with meaning.

In Erikson’s eight-stage developmental scheme, the crucial task of the eighth and last stage is achievement of integrity. The word, as Erikson uses it, does not refer to honesty or authenticity, but to wholeness, in the way The Oxford English Dictionary defines it:  “Wholeness, entireness, completeness... the condition of having no part or element taken away or wanting.”

Integrity consists in seeing one’s life in its entirety as meaningful and worthwhile. It is the result of synthesising a life time of experiences, both good and bad, in a way that enables one “to look back over life without regrets and to look forward to death without fear.” Such a stance calls for much soul-searching for the meaning of our life and working through and coming to terms with life’s inevitable disappointments and tragedies, as well as being thankful for its blessings.

              

Reminiscence

The central process that leads to integrity is reminiscence, the repeated nostalgic contemplation and retelling of our life stories. As our life experiences are remembered and retold again and again, a synthesis and integration occurs. The scattered pieces of the puzzle that is our life begins to fall into shape. We begin to see our life in its entirety and accept everything, finding meaning and purpose even in what was considered senseless or tragic.

 Often during reminiscence memories of unresolved issues come into awareness with an invitation to reconcile with them.

 Another important aspect of this reminiscence is the evaluation of our contributions to improve the quality of life for others.

Psychologist Robert Butler describes what happens in the reminiscence:

As the past marches in review, it is surveyed, observed, and reflected upon by the ego. Reconsideration of previous experiences and their meanings occurs, often with concomitant revised or expanded understanding. Such reorganization of past experience may provide a more valid picture, giving new and significant meaning to one’s life; it may also prepare one for death, mitigating one’s fears. (The Life Review, pp. 489-490)

Altruism and Generativity

Those who have been generative, through contributions to culture and society, rather than focused on personal aggrandisement and ego gratification in their earlier years, are the ones who find it easier to move toward integrity. Through these generative and altruistic activities they are able, in psychologist Robert Peck’s words, to “achieve enduring significance” and so be in a better frame of mind to accept the impending end. The efforts made to make life more secure, more meaningful, or happier for the people who will go on after one dies is one of the most important dynamics that enables one to look back without regrets and forward without fear.

 Relationships

The close relationships one has enjoyed also provide for a sense of subjective-wellbeing and satisfaction, and thereby enhances the path toward integrity. This is all the more true if the close relationships are still maintained.

 Maintenance of close, satisfying relationships serves as buffer against the depression and low morale that can ensue from the social deprivations and the physical challenges (deterioration of certain physical capacities, particularly the loss of hearing, impaired vision, and limited motor agility,) that are part and parcel of old age

Despair

The opposite of integrity is despair – the feeling that one’s life was worthless or meaningless, that one had failed to make any contribution to the future of society and wellbeing of others and that it is now too late to make a difference.

This happens especially to those who have lived a very self-centred and selfish life with little regard for the welfare of others. They would now want to make some changes, but there is no time; it is too late. As Erikson observed “Despair expresses the feeling that the time is now short, too short for the attempt to start another life and to try out alternate roads to integrity” (Childhood and Society, p. 269)

According to Robert Butler among those for whom the life review is likely to lead to feeling of despair are those who tended to focus on the future rather than on the present. These had invested heavily in the future, hoping for a rich harvest. But that future never arrived, leading to disillusionment with self and life itself.

Another group that is bound to despair consists of those who deliberately went about injuring others. They are plagued by guilt, but cannot imagine forgiveness and redemption.

Still another group consists of those who have been “characterologically arrogant and prideful,” prone to indulge in “narcissistic self-promotion and derisive dismissal of others” (The Life Review, p. 491).

Unable to accept as ultimate the life cycle drawing to a close, the despairing individual approaches death with fear and disappointment. Evaluating his or her life and accomplishments, the despairing individual feels that life, instead of being a meaningful adventure, has been wasted. The result is bitterness and resentment. The individual wants to achieve something meaningful, but recognise the futility of trying, because there is no time left and death is inevitable and near. Despair arises from this sense of waste and futility: ‘If only I could have…”

 This haunting sense of despair is poignantly illustrated in the life of Warren Schmidt, the lead character in the film About Schmidt. Schmidt (played by Jack Nicholson) had devoted himself totally to advancing his career, neglected his family and had little social connections. After retirement his life goes into downward spiral. His wife dies; his attempt to re-connect with his alienated only daughter is rebuffed. He finds himself totally alone, wanting to connect but not knowing how. He sets off on a long journey in his RV (motor home) alone, revisiting his past, and as he makes an evaluation of his life on that solitary journey, he reaches a sad conclusion: “My life has been a failure. What difference have I made to anyone’s life?” Fortunately, salvation came in the little connectedness he experienced with Ndugu, a six-year old orphan boy in faraway Tanzania whom he had sponsored after retirement. The picture the boy sends him connecting himself with Schmidt with a string moved Schmidt to tears – tears of joy as well as regret, expressing a gamut of emotions. The movie ends with that poignant picture of Schmidt’s face in close-up.

What all this tells us is that how we live the first half of our life matters in terms of a happy ending. Among the things that contributes most to a happy conclusion are close relationships one has cultivated, and the contributions one has made to the wellbeing of others. As psychologist George Vaillant summed up the conclusions of the longest running study of human development, “Happiness is love. Full stop.” Vaillant’s conclusions were corroborated by Robert Waldinger, the current Director of the study: “The good Life – Health and Happiness – is built on good relationships. Period.”

A midlife review in terms of how the above dynamics feature in our lives gives us still time, before it is too late, to make some changes in our lifestyle and priorities so that our end of life reminiscences lead to a sense of satisfaction– to feeling “this has been a good life” rather than to a sense of despair, “what a waste!”

 For introspection:

·         As you look back over your life, how do you feel about it?

·         What is the invitation you hear as to the changes you may need to make to achieve integrity - seeing your life as meaningful and worthwhile, “to look back over life without regrets and to look forward to death without fear.”?

 Prayer

The mystic Hildegard of Bingen writes: “The greatest problem lies in trying to integrate everything, to invest all with meaning, see it all as part of a larger, more meaningful life.”    

                                                 

We can ask God’s help and guidance to achieve this integrity, this meaningfulness. Our God who is very much interested in our wellbeing, our health and happiness is with us in the here and now, as God has been present in all hat has been happening in our life. Take a few minutes to tell God how we feel about our life at the moment, and ask for inspiration to make it more meaningful and satisfying.

 Have a pleasant weekend. Be safe. Be blessed.

Thank you for listening/reading.

Pictures: Courtesy google Images

Jose Parappully SDB, PhD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com

 

Psyche & Soul 4: Threats to Healthy Adult Relationships: Insecure Attachments in Childhood

Hello, This is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre, Jeolikote, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This weekend, we shall reflect on some childhood experiences that threaten our relationships, health and happiness as adults.

Let me begin by telling you about Mr Samuel.

Mr John Samuel has been married for five years and has two children. Although he loves his wife and children, he is not very demonstrative in his affection. He spends very little time with them, preferring to read or watch television. However, he is very possessive of his wife and complaints she does not give him enough attention. He is resentful if she spends time with her friends. His wife feels John is too controlling. Naturally the home atmosphere is not very cordial.

Mr Samuel has a job in a bank where he has been working for a few years. At the bank he does not relate much with his colleagues. There have been complaints about the quality of his work too.

Mr Samuel’s family history gives some clue as to why he feels the way he does and faces such difficulties. His dad died when John was three years old. His mother become the bread winner of the family, and this took most of her time. Besides, she had also to take care of John’s one-and-half-year-old younger sister. She was hassled by many responsibilities and  could spare very little time for John.  When she could, it was difficult for her to move away from him, because he would cling to her and cry inconsolably, when she tried. Naturally, the young John would develop anxiety and insecurity. If he let her go, he was not sure if she would come back to him.

When children like John grow into adulthood, they are plagued by insecurity which makes them reluctant to be close to others; when they do, they become very clinging. They are scared of losing their friends and partners. Fear of loss makes them quite controlling in their relationships which has the opposite result of making the others distance themselves.  These individuals worry that their friends and partners don’t love them, even though they themselves are pushing them away.  

These children develop what Attachment theory labels anxious ambivalent (also known as anxious resistant) insecure attachment. This ambivalent/resistant attachment pattern is promoted by a parent who is available and helpful on some occasions but not on others – that is, by inconsistent and unpredictable parenting. These parents also use threats of abandonment as means of controlling children. Such threats scare the hell out of the children and they live in constant anxiety of the threat being carried out. Naturally, they grow up to be very anxious adults.

The second insecure attachment pattern is labeled anxious avoidant.  Adults characterized by such an attachment style avoid relationships and act as if they do not need relationships. This pattern is developed by a child who, because of a history of neglect and indifference from parents, is convinced that, when it seeks care and protection, the parent will not respond helpfully. On the contrary, it expects its efforts to be rebuffed.  Consequently the child attempts to live its life without seeking love and support from others, and tries to take care of itself and becomes emotionally detached. It denies its attachment needs in order to reduce emotional distress arising from disappointment and develops a high degree of autonomy and competence but suffers from relational inadequacy.

These are the children who grow up to be great achievers, but who are hopeless at relationships. They have always kept their feelings to themselves and so, do not learn how to share their thoughts and feelings with others. Naturally, intimacy becomes a challenge.

Insecure attachment patterns, developed in childhood, continue into adulthood. However, a nurturing environment and frequent encounters with caring and responsive adults later in life can bring about some changes and transform insecure attachment patterns into more secure ones.

……

No matter what our childhood attachment experiences have been, we know that we have a God who is always available, responsive and helpful. The prophet Hosea gives us a very soothing and comforting image of God as a loving parent: Let us listen to these words:

“When Israel was a child, I loved him… It was I who taught Ephraim to walk. I took them up in my arms… I led them with chords of compassion, with the bands of love… and I bent down to them and fed them… My compassion grows warm and tender.” (Hosea, 11)

Jesus presents himself as a mother hen holding its chicks under its wings. Gazing at Jerusalem from the Temple Mount, he expresses his sensitive concern: “O, Jerusalem, Jerusalem,…How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not!” (Lk 13, 37).

……

You could now stay for a while with these wonderful biblical images of God as loving father and tender mother. Imagine God as a loving father bending down and picking you up and holding you against his cheeks, or as a loving mother feeding you, or a mother hen holding you warmly under its wings, protecting you…. What do these images evoke in you? What memories come into awareness?

……

Stay a while with these feelings and memories evoked and talk to God as a child to its loving parent.

Have a wonderful love-filled weekend. Bye for now.

Images: Courtesy google Images


the podcast of this post can be heard at:
https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-4-Psyche--Soul---Threats-to-Healthy-Adult-Relationships-14-eh638h

BIS Psyche & Soul 3. Childhood Foundations of Healthy Relationships 2: Secure Attachments

The podcast of this post is available at:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-3-Psyche--soul---Foundation-of-Healthy-Relationships-Trust-12-egs0te

This is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre, Jeolikote, with another edition of “Psyche & Soul”

This weekend we shall explore another important foundation of healthy relationships– namely, Secure Attachments in childhood.

Let me begin by telling you about Mrs Miranda.

Mrs Jessie Miranda is very popular with the teachers and the girls of the college where she is Principal. Parents of students as well as others who interact with her like the way she treats them. She is also a very competent Principal, who has been able to raise the standard of the college considerably since she took over.

Her family finds her a very loving and sensitive wife and mother. Members of her parish have very good opinion of her. She is friendly and actively engaged in parish activities. Young women in the parish often seek her advice with their problems.

When asked what was the secret of her popularity she referred to the good time she had in her own family as a child. She felt her parents really cared for her. Whenever she experienced some distress or was in some need they responded with care and sensitivity.

This kind of sensitive responsiveness on the part of her parents helped the young Jessie to develop self-esteem and self-confidence which helped her to relate to others in a friendly way. She was able to internalize the sensitive responsiveness of her parents toward her and manifest the same to others. Naturally, she grew up to be a very likable and helpful person.

Jessie’s profile fits that of a child, and later the adult, who experiences what psychologists today agree is a necessary foundation for healthy relationships– namely, secure attachment in childhood. There is a whole school of psychology built on this conviction. It is known as Attachment theory and is one of the cutting edge contemporary psychological theories.

Unlike many other theories in psychology, Attachment theory is based on thousands of hours of direct observation of parent-child interactions, both in the real world and in the laboratory. It is widely regarded as probably the best research-supported theory of emotional development yet available.

Attachment theory underlines the powerful influence parents, particularly the mother, have on the emotional development of children, especially on the development of self-trust and trust of others, so necessary for healthy interpersonal relationships.

Attachment theory presents four types of attachment styles. Secure attachment, two kinds of insecure attachments – ambivalent and avoidant, and a disorganized attachment style.

In the pattern of secure attachment, as exemplified in the case of Jessie, the child is confident that its parent (or parent figure) will be available, responsive, and helpful when it seeks protection or comfort, or encounters adverse or frightening situations. With this assurance, it feels bold to explore the world. It is such “exploration from a secure base,” as it is called, that leads to development of a sense of competence and self-confidence in the child that enables the child and later the adult to relate in healthy ways to those in its surroundings.

As children we seek some adult to whom to attach ourselves. The more sensitive and responsive this adult is to our needs, the deeper and more secure our attachment and greater the likelihood that we will develop healthy and fulfilling interpersonal relationships.

……

Here we can recall the experience of the disciples of Jesus on the sea when the sudden storm arose. They are frightened and feeling very insecure. However, the comforting words of Jesus “Why are you afraid? I am here.” gives them security. Both their inner fears and the storm outside subside.

We all require the calming presence of a sensitive and caring other in our childhood to provide us a sense of safety and security, especially in times of trouble and danger. The secure attachment we develop to this person makes us confident to reach out to others in trust and build satisfying relationships necessary for health and happiness.

You may now want to stay a while quietly with whatever this reflection on foundations of healthy relationships is evoking in you:

• How does Mrs Miranda’s story affect you? Is your experience similar to or different from hers? In what way?
• As a child, did you experience your parents as available, responsive and helpful when you needed them? What memories of such experiences or their opposite come into awareness?
• Stay a while with the feelings these memories evoke in you.

…..

The Jesus who provided assurance to the disciples during the storm at sea is present to you here and now. You could place all these childhood memories and the feelings they evoke in the hands of Jesus and spend a few moments listening and talking to him.

……..

Have a pleasant weekend where you feel secure in the closeness of your dear ones and nearness Jesus who walks with you. Bye for now.

Please send your comments, and questions to me at sumedhacentre@gmail.com

Images: Courtesy google Images

Psyche & soul 2 - Foundations of Healthy Relationships - Trust.

The podcast of this post is available on:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-2-Psyche--soul---Foundation-of-Healthy-Relationships-Trust-10-egi181

This is Jose Parappully, Salesian Priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre, Jeolikote, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

Last week we learned that the best help for health and happiness are loving relationships. Data from the 82-year-old Harvard Longitudinal Study had demonstrated unequivocally that warm and satisfying relationships are the most important ingredients of the good life.

However, we also know that developing healthy relationships is a challenge for most, if not all, of us.

What helps us develop healthy, loving relationships that lay the foundations for health and happiness? Psychology has some reliable answers here too.

Trust: The Master Virtue

Foundations for healthy relationships are built on the trust and security we developed through our childhood experiences, as well as the family environment in which we grew up.

Trust is a master virtue that has a profound impact on our adult relationships. Contemporary psychological theories emphasise the importance and implications of the trust that the infant, and later the child, develops in relation to the caregivers, especially the mother.

For example, in the psycho-social life span developmental theory of psychoanalyst Erik Erikson, trust developed in the first year of life is the pivot on which all of development rests.

How does one develop trust?

The first year of life is one in which the infant is showered with many sensuous and gratifying experiences. It is washed, oiled, powdered, massaged, breast-fed and carried around lovingly by the mother and other family members. It is the object of much fussing. All this attention makes the infant feel very good (like a ‘prince’ or ‘princess’) and proud of itself. It begins to feel itself as worthy of all this attention and love. As a result it develops trust in self, others and the world around and feels very secure to reach out and explore the world. When such attentive caring is missing from sensitive caregivers the infant develops mistrust in self and others and grows up insecure.

Family environment also contributes significantly to the development of trust. When the infant finds itself in a cohesive, peaceful, warm and supportive environment, it feels secure and experiences the world as safe, friendly and comforting. It is such environment that helps the child develop a benevolent, trusting attitude toward self, others and the world at large.

The essential virtue that results from trust is hope, defined as “the enduring belief in the attainability of fervent wishes.” Hope, in turn, leads to optimism and enables one to relate to others with confidence and without fear.

The confidence in self and a benevolent and hopeful attitude toward others resulting from trust it has developed enables the child as it grows up into adulthood to reach out to others in love, feeling loved and accepted. The security developed through childhood trust enables the adult to take the risks involved in reaching out to others.

On the other hand, when the childhood environment is chaotic, un-nurturing, characterised by conflict and unloving relationships and worse, violence, the child feels very unsafe and develops mistrust which in turn impairs the capacity for healthy relationships.

Children with unhappy childhoods, the Harvard Study tells us, are more likely than others to be pessimistic and self-doubting. This in turn makes them unable to receive love when it is offered and fearful in offering love to others.

They are afraid to grow close to anyone and to let anyone come close to them, for fear that they will be exploited, taken advantage of. 

Moreover, children who have failed to develop trust grow up with a suspicious and even malevolent attitude toward life. They can develop a paranoid personality. They attribute malicious motivations to even the most innocent behaviours of others. They feel everyone is against them. This too makes relationships difficult.

Lack of trust, and consequent attitudes of fear and suspicion, can wreak havoc in a marriage, as well as in religious community life. Interpersonal relationships get vitiated, resulting in stress that undermines health and happiness.

As the poet Joseph Conrad has so perceptively observed: “Woe to the man (woman) whose heart has not learned  while young to hope, to love, to put its trust in life.”

…..

Jesus has spoken about the importance of trust. In his response to the synagogue official who pleaded with him, with some desperation, to come down and cure his daughter, Jesus said: “Fear is useless; only trust is needed!” (Lk. 8, 50). When we do not trust, all kinds of fears envelop us. Trust dissipates our fears, makes us more receptive to love.

I am told the phrase “Do not be afraid!” occurs 365 times in the Bible, like a daily reminder to us all through the year to place our trust in a loving and provident God who has our wellbeing--our health and happiness -- at heart.

We shall conclude with an experiential exercise

• Sit quietly for a while, taking a comfortable position, in the awareness of whatever has been evoked in you by what you heard.

….

•          Focus now on the first years of your life. Allow your body to re-experience that time of your life. What do you experience (body sensations, thoughts, images, emotions, sounds)? Any memories come into awareness?

•          Stay for a while with whatever experiences come in to awareness and the feelings these evoke in you.

•          ……..

•          You could now spend some time in prayer, sitting quietly before God with whatever this exercise has evoked in you. Offer this early stage of your life to God, asking for healing of any trauma (painful/distressing experiences) you may have had, and thanking God for the love and care you experienced that taught you to trust.

……

Have a blessed and trust filled weekend.

The podcast of this post is available on:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-2-Psyche--soul---Foundation-of-Healthy-Relationships-Trust-10-egi181

Please send your comments, and questions to me at sumedhacentre@gmail.com    

ENHANCING PSYCHOLOGICAL WELLBEING DURING SOCIAL ISOLATION RELATED TO CORONA LOCKDOWN

ENHANCING PSYCHOLOGICAL WELLBEING DURING SOCIAL ISOLATION RELATED TO CORONA LOCKDOWN

JOSE PARAPPULLY, PhD

Social isolation resulting from the Corona lockdown in itself may not lead to negative psychological consequences. However, prolonged confinement with a group people in restricted space can strain relationships which in turn can cause negative consequences. It is not social isolation per se, but the feeling of being alone, that is, feeling disconnected or alienated that in a significant way leads to negative consequences such as depression and anxiety.

There is robust evidence that loneliness significantly increases risk of premature mortality. Lack of a feeling of connectedness heightens health risks s much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and is twice as harmful to physical and mental health as obesity (Monitor on Psychology, 5, 2017)

Adverse health consequences of loneliness, understood as the subjective sense of a lack of desire connectedness, include besides depression and anxiety, poor sleep quality, accelerated cognitive decline which increases risk of dementia, poor cardiovascular function, higher levels of blood pressure and impaired immunity.

Loneliness heightens levels of stress which we know is at the root of most of major killer diseases. It increases the activity of genes involved in causing inflammation and decreases that of genes involved in antiviral responses, which is especially relevant in this stressful time Covid- 19 and lockdown.

Relationship Strain
Relationship strain is the major contributor to loneliness. We can be lonely even when we are with a group of people, including family members, if our relationships are strained. On the other hand, we do not feel lonely even when alone if we have a subjective sense of connectedness.

Hence the challenge during the lockdown is to stay psychologically connected. It is especially important to take care that relationships do not strain, the possibility for which is quite strong when we stay confined within small spaces with a group of people.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, also known as the Grant Study, which is perhaps the longest running longitudinal study anywhere and anytime (about 80 years running) has unequivocally shown that the number one contributor to health and happiness is satisfying relationships. Strained relationships, on the other hand, take a toll. For example, a bad marriage is worse than no marriage. “The good life,” Dr. Robert Waldinger, the current director of the Harvard Study declares, “is built on good relationships.”

When people are deprived of social connections with those other than they live with, there is increased potential for relational friction with those they live with. When relationships are close-binding, with little outlets for connectedness with others, conflicts within the relationship become more of a possibility. When this happens, psychological distancing from those one lives with is the result. This is a danger that one has to avoid during the imposed social isolation.

Another reason for this potential alienation is that when we live with someone with not much to do and with little interaction with those outside the inner circle, we have ample time to notice negative features in the other we may not have earlier. Along with this, our mind will tend to go back over memory lane and pull up unpleasant situations and incidents involving the other. This can lead to bickering and recrimination that strain the relationship, increasing psychological alienation. 

Prolonged close proximity, even within an intimate relationship, is a psychological health hazard.

Besides, having nothing much to do in the absence of the usual demands that daily life makes on us, without the option of venturing out and engaging in social intercourse, can lead to boredom which in turn can fray nerves and negatively affect the relationships within.

Hence the challengers are: 1. To take special care to avoid fault finding and negativity. 2. To maintain connectedness with those outside. 3. Create pleasant environment. 4 Fight boredom. There are multiple ways to meet these challenges.

Avoid Negativity

Regarding the first: We need to make a special effort to weed out negativity and focus on the positive. Recall together the good times we have had. Leafing through the album of old photographs and commenting on them, narrating the happy times on trips taken together long time ago, as well as interesting personal anecdotes that the others may not know of are very helpful in enhancing relationships. It is important here to remember The Rule of Four. Before we ever mention anything negative about the other, we make sure we have said at least four pleasant or positive things about or to the person! Better still, if anything negative comes up, defer its communication to a later time. Blaming, accusations, fault-finding are especially hazardous during confinement.

Within the confined, and sometimes crammed, space we can become more sensitive to noise, loud conversations and other disruptive sounds. We will be more demanding in regard to use of common space, equipment and devices. There is potential for quarreling and fighting in regard to these.

Sensitivity to others’ need is important. Just as we experience tension and irritation created by the situation, others we live with will also. We need to respond with empathy than annoyance to others’ irritating words and behaviour.

Connect with Friends and Colleagues

In regard to the second: studies have shown that in times of social isolation, more than connection with one’s partner or family members, what helps ward off loneliness is connection with one’s friends and colleagues. Hence keeping in contact with our friends and acquaintances outside our immediate family circle is important. This can be done easily today through the means of communication available to us. An easy topic for conversation with friends and colleagues is discussion on how we are facing this imposed isolation and how we and our work are affected by it.

Even if we are not connecting in person with those outside, virtual connection through social media also helps. Besides, engagement with social media can keep us busy and ward off boredom. However, it is important to keep in mind that too much engagement with social media, especially when it distances us from those we live with is not a good thing. Fake news amply available on social media can cause fear and anxiety.

Create Pleasant Environment

In regard to the third: Creating a pleasant environment in the space we are confined in is especially important. We can do this first of all by avoiding negative and critical conversations. Planning and executing celebratory events brings joy and togetherness.

Busy parents who otherwise have not had enough time to spend with children are given a golden opportunity. Play with them, do fun things with them. Read stories to the very small children.

Cooperative cleaning up the house or giving a new coat of paint to the walls also help create pleasant environment. Even re-arranging the furniture can contribute to creation of a pleasant physical space.

Fight Boredom

In regard to the third: Reduced activity arising from absence from our place and the hassle of travel leaves time on our hands. Not knowing how to utilize it can lead to boredom and irritation.

The activities involved in creating a pleasant environment as described are great ways to beat boredom.

However there is something more important. Even within the closed spaces, we have to create a personal space where we can occasionally isolate ourselves and be able to do things we are interested in without interference from others.

The solitude that such personal spaces provide can also help us to devote time and energy to projects we are interested in. For example, if we are technologically oriented, we can experiment creatively. If we are inclined toward literary pursuits, this is the time to write that article that we have dreamed of, but had not found time for. We can start writing the first pages of that wonderful book have been dreaming of writing. The time at our disposal gives us opportunity also to try out creative cooking and baking.

Settling comfortably with a favourite book can be both exciting and relaxing. When we do that from our balcony or from our garden (f we have one) we are also refreshed by nature. Sitting quietly outdoors, doing nothing important, but simply taking in the nature around us, can be very refreshing and will make the time spent within less boring.

Exercise is a great boredom buster. Moreover, it energizes mind an body, reduces anxiety and increases feelings of wellbeing.  Yoga, qigong, tai-chi, and simple aerobics, besides beating boredom, help stimulate and strengthen the immune system. Acupressure is a very simple routine we can engage in when we sit alone or with others. It is as simple as pressing, rubbing or tapping some specific pressure points in the body. We can easily find these points and methods through a search on Google.

Tending to plants is a great stress reliever. Some of us may have potted plants inside the room. Some of us may be even more fortunate and have a garden to tend. Contact with mother earth and elements of nature through gardening will refresh our bodies and spirit and enliven our relationships, besides helping us fight off boredom.

The lockdown, despite the limitations and inconveniences it imposes upon us, can also turn out to be a great life-enhancer.